Dancefloor Dust
by Believe78
Summary: AU story. Inspired by the song 'I should've followed you home' by A. Fältskog & G. Barlow. This story takes place in an alternative universe and NOTHING that we saw on the show has happened! I only borrowed the characters to tell my own story with them. Summary: 'I missed the chance to make you my own.'
1. Chapter 1

This story came to me while listening to 'I should've followed you home' by Agnetha Fältskog and Gary Barlow.

Originally planned as a one shot but I have many more ideas now, so let's see where this goes ;)

Thanks to Steffi for beta reading this :)

I don't own the Good Wife

* * *

I sit in the court room and wait for the bail hearing to begin. A bail hearing for a defendant that should have been convicted a week ago. We had a tight case but then the jury deadlocked and so there will be a retrial. One I am not looking forward to. I glance over to the defendants table which is still deserted. I wonder if Diane Lockhart will also do the retrial when the door to the room is opened. I glance around and see a brunette woman walking in. She stops a few steps into the room and looks around. I get the feeling she's never been in here. After a few moments she continues walking to the front and takes a seat at the defendants table. I watch her more closely and can't remember ever seeing her before. I wonder if Stern & Lockhart are still handling the retrial and check my file. But I am sure I would've noticed if the firm had changed. And yes, they still are. I just found the motion in my file that oddly enough was still done by Diane Lockhart.

"You know her?" Matan, my second chair, leans over to me, gesturing to the table on the other side. I shake my head and rise from my chair walking over to introduce myself.

She sees me advance and also stands up. I finally get a close look at her and now she seems strangely familiar. I extend my hand to shake hers and the moment our fingers touch I feel like an electric jolt hits my body. I nearly retract my hand but manage to ignore it and shake hers. I just inhale sharply and keep my gaze at her eyes. Her face stays calm but I think I see a glimpse of surprise in her mossy eyes and I'd swear she felt it, too.

"Hi, I am ASA Peter Florrick." I smile at her while I still hold her hand in mine and the tingling feeling spreads from my arm into my whole body. I can't remember having felt like this in a long time. Actually just once, in another lifetime.

"Hello, I'm Alicia Gardner. Nice to meet you, Mr. Florrick." she returns my smile but slowly lets go of my hand.

"I am new at Stern & Lockhart. First day!" she adds and looks down at the desk between us.

This can't be. When she tells me her first name I know that I met her before. A long time ago. I push the thought away and finally draw my hand back as I see her client appear at the table, escorted by two guards.

"Good luck!" I smile at her again before I hurry back to my chair next to Matan. I try to concentrate on the proceedings as the judge enters moments later, but it only takes seconds until my gaze is at the defendants table again, watching her going through her files and talking to her client. I remember all to clearly now where and how I met her 10 years ago. Just a brief encounter for a few hours but it stayed with me all this time and I have often wondered what would've happened if I had not let her go. I close my eyes and all of a sudden I recall every single detail of this cold January evening of 1989.

* * *

_I sit at the bar and drown my second scotch within half an hour. And I am sure it won't be my last as I put the glass down and signal the barkeeper to bring me another one. A few moments later he places a fresh drink in front of me. I grab it but just keep it in my hand, watching the ice-cubes swirl around the amber liquid. I had hoped to escape my thoughts tonight by going to this club, wished the loud music would drown out all that is going through my mind right now. I lost in court today. It's not the first time and it won't be the last time. I know that. But this time I can't blame the judge, the jury or anyone else for the defeat. I had failed my client, a client whose innocence I am certain of. I sigh deeply and turn around on my barstool looking out on the packed dance floor. I wish to be one of them, just enjoying a Friday night without any worries and doubts. I realize that watching happy people only pushes me further down into the dark mood I've been in since the jury came back with their guilty verdict this afternoon. So I turn back towards the counter, letting my gaze wander over the crowd one last time when my attention gets caught by a small group of girls at a table next to the dance floor. I especially notice one of them, as she laughs together with her girlfriends, I seem to hear her laugh even though the music is deafening. Watching her makes me smile for the first time this evening. Not a forced smile as I had to so often today, but one that feels real. I watch her have fun with her friends, see her tuck a loose strand of her shoulder length brown hair behind her ear and again there is her laugh that I seem to feel more than to really hear. I contemplate for a split second to go over to her table and ask her if I can offer her a drink. But then my bad mood strikes me again and I think I should avoid being with company tonight._

_I absent mindedly still look into her direction, the thoughts about my client filling my head again, when I realize she is watching me, smiling. I manage to return the smile and am somewhat surprised when I see her leave the table with her friends and walk in my direction. At first I think she passes by me to head for the restrooms, but she stops and sits down on the stool next to me._

_"Hi, I thought I'd spare us some time and come over to you to accept your invitation to a drink!" she looks me directly in the eyes, a small smirk on her lips and I am sure she can see the surprise in my face._

_"That's what you've been thinking while you were watching me, right?" She still smiles at me and I have to chuckle at her straightforwardness._

_"Yes!" I admit and return the smile._

_"And why didn't you?" she tilts her head and looks at me expectantly. I chuckle once more and am about to tell her I would've but she was faster, when I pause for a moment and reconsider._

_"I don't think I am very good company tonight, so I decided against it. Sorry!" I confess and wonder why I told her the truth. There is something about her I can't quite grasp, just as if she can read me like an open book and would've realized I was lying right away._

_"So, you want me to leave?" she watches me, the smile fading from her face but I can hear in her voice that she will not be offended by my answer. I nod slightly._

_"Okay." She flashes me a small smile before she slides down from her stool and walks away._

_I take a sip from my drink and face the counter again when I suddenly change my mind. I leap from my seat and go after her._

_"Wait!" I grab her shoulder and I feel an electrical jolt drive through my arm. She turns and looks at me in surprise. I withdraw my hand from her shoulder as the tingle spreads through my whole body and look into her eyes. They have an emerald color and I see in them that she felt the same._

_"I am sorry. Can we start over? I'm Peter. And I really would like you to join me for a drink." I extend my hand and smile apologetically at her._

_She tilts her head again and bites her lower lip. I am not sure if she is playing me or really considering to say no._

_"Please?" I add and she smiles at me, nodding her head._

_"Okay." she takes my hand in hers. I somehow expect another surge when our fingers touch but it only seems to increase the tingling feeling again that was fading away._

_Reluctantly I release her hand and guide her back to the bar. Once we have sat down I give the bartender a sign._

_"What would you like to drink?" I ask her once I have the bartender's attention. She orders a glass of red wine and I nod in agreement as I join her choice._

_"So, would you like to tell me why you think you shouldn't be with company tonight?" she asks me in a sympathetic voice as she leans back a bit and crosses her legs._

_I exhale deeply and close my eyes for a moment._

_"I guess not. I'd rather forget about it for now." I open my eyes again and can see her friends watching us curiously. The bartender brings our wine and I reach for my glass._

_"What should we toast to?" she smiles at me as she lifts her glass._

_"To a pleasant evening!" I smile as I see her nod and take a sip from her wine._

_"And that you might reveal your name to me?" I wink at her as I also drink from my glass._

_"Oh, I'm sorry." she blushes a little and I can't help to think how cute she looks._

_"Alicia, my name is Alicia." I can still hear the embarrassment in her voice and smile at her brightly to tell her it's okay._

_"Nice to meet you, Alicia." I grab my glass again and toast her once more._

_"So, you won't tell me about your day. Then, what would you like to talk about?" she asks me as she puts her glass back on the counter. I chuckle quietly at her sleek attempt to change the topic._

_"Won't your friends mind that you left them?" I glance over to their table and see they're still watching us._

_"No, they were the ones who sent me over here. As this is my last night in Chicago they said..." she didn't continue and lowered her eyes to her wine glass, twirling the stem between her fingers._

_"This is your last night in Chicago?" I can't hide the slight shock and disappointment in my voice as I process her words. Though I have not even spent half an hour in her company yet, I know that I want to see her again._

_"Yes, I am going back to school tomorrow and my parents moved, so I won't be back in a long time I guess." her gaze is still fixed to her glass and I think I can hear a hint of sadness in her voice. Though I don't dare to hope it's because she'd also like to see me again. I reach for her glass and withdraw it from her hand._

_"Would you like to dance?" I ask her as I think that talking seems rather senseless now that I know I'll probably never see her again._

_She lifts her gaze and just nods while I take her hand to lead her to the dance floor._

_The moment I touch her again the tingling sensation returns and I think that I have never felt more alive than tonight. I'm in luck and the moment we reach the dance floor a slow song starts and I get to pull her closer. As I slide my arm around her waist she looks up to me and when I watch her eyes I am sure this time she does feel the same._

_We dance until the music stops and the light goes on. I feel like waking from a dream and look around, realizing we're the only ones left on the dance floor. The whole club looks deserted as just a few other guests are left, already in the process of leaving._

_I slowly loosen my embrace around her as she lifts her head that rested on my chest for quite some time now and looks at me. I see in her features what I feel, sadness that we have to leave and inevitably have to say Good Bye. I take her hand as we slowly walk to the coat check and from there out to the street. It's snowing and quiet outside._

_"I am sorry your friends left. I hope I didn't interrupt your last evening together." I manage a half-smile and squeeze her hand, that still rests in mine, lightly._

_"It's okay." she assures me, also smiling sadly. "I'll see them in the morning. They'll drive me to the airport."_

_I nod at her words as I watch the snowflakes resting on her hair glisten in the light from the street lamp._

_"How will you get home? We could see if we can get a cab." I am not ready to let her go yet and hope I can extend being with her._

_"No, I live near here. I'll just walk." She shakes her head lightly and takes my other hand in to hers._

_"Then I'll walk you home."_

_"No, you don't have to." she shakes her head again and I can hear in her voice that she means it._

_"Okay!" I smile disappointedly and lower my gaze to the ground._

_"Will I see you again?" I whisper after a few moments of silence and lift my head again to look at her. She smiles at me, leans closer and kisses me lightly on the lips._

_Before I have a chance to realize what's really going on I feel her letting go of my hands and see her turn around and walking away._

* * *

Matan's nudge on my upper arm brings me back to reality. I look around a little disoriented and hear the judge say my name.

"Mr. Florrick? Do you have anything to add or is the prosecution fine with electronic monitoring?" the judge looks directly at me and I can see that he is annoyed. I simply nod and glance over to Matan who watches me concerned. The judge concludes the bail hearing and I hear Matan gather his files and getting up. My gaze is already at the defendants table and I watch Alicia do the same. I am sure it's her and I need to talk to her.

"You coming?" Matan stands next to me and gestures towards the door.

"I have to discuss something with opposing counsel." I tell him and watch him shake his head before he walks toward the exit. I slowly pack my files in my briefcase watching Alicia still talking to her client when the guards approach their table to bring her back to custody until the paperwork for the electronic monitoring is done.

I hear them say good bye and get up to wait for her at the door.

I feel nervous as I see her walking towards me. She stops in front of me watching me inquiring.

"Is it really you?" I manage to ask her in a low voice. She nods and smiles sadly.

"Can we talk?"


	2. Chapter 2

I am still overwhelmed at the amount of reviews I got for the first chapter of this. THANK YOU! I hope I can keep you interested to read on :)

THANKS go to Mary for beta reading and helping me with this. You made it so much better :)

And as always: Don't own them :(

Enjoy and tell me what you think :D

* * *

I sit in the still unfamiliar surroundings of my living room of my new apartment and play with the card that Peter gave me this afternoon in court. I agreed to meet him for a coffee although I really don't know what we have to tell each other. We had met briefly 10 years ago and my life is complicated enough at the moment so I have no desire to add any more to the already long list of stuff I have to deal with. I look around the room and sigh as I see the still unopened boxes standing around, waiting to get unpacked. Something I wanted to do tonight after leaving the office way too late where I spent hours with the files on the retrial.

But instead of turning my apartment finally in to a place I can start to feel at home, I sit on the couch and stare at this small piece of paper and think about if calling him is such a good idea. I was about to tear it up a few times but each time that tingling in my stomach that I am feeling since our hands touched earlier holds me back. I recognized him right away when he walked towards me and how could I not. I will never forget his eyes. They were the first I noticed in that packed club back then, the night before I went back to Georgetown from Christmas break at home. But it was also the night I said good bye to my friends and the city I had grown up in as my parents had moved to California.

I sensed him watching me but decided not to pay attention as I was there to have some fun with my friends not to flirt with a stranger I would never see again. But then I realized the sadness in his eyes and just smiled at him. Stacy, my best friend back then, noticed this and told me to go over to him. And I still don't know why I did it. I guess I just wanted to know why he looked so unhappy in a place full of cheerful people. I never learned why he thought he was bad company that night and I really didn't care as we spent the rest of the night dancing. It just felt right there in his arms and I wished we never had to stop.

When the lights went on reality hit me again and I was sad that I had to leave his arms. It had felt like I belonged there. But then I realized I would leave the following morning and what sense would it had made to tell him he could see me again as we would be several hundred miles apart a few hours later. So I listened to my head and told him not to walk me home. I still can see the disappointment in his eyes and the glimmer of hope as he asked me if he could see me again. I knew that if I had opened my mouth to speak my answer would have been yes. So I kept it shut and leaned in to kiss him briefly on the lips. I needed all that was left of my willpower to let go of his hands and walk away without looking back.

I wonder how often in later years I looked back at that night and wished I had acted differently. What would my life look like now? Would I also stand in the broken pieces of my marriage? I glance once more on the card that I still hold in my hand and can't make up my mind if I should call him when a knock on my door startles me. I glance at my watch for the time and walk towards the door. I check if the safety chain is in place before I open the door slowly.

"Hey sis!" my younger brother Owen greets me.

I unchain the door and let him in, not really in the mood for his company.

"Hi, Owen." I lead the way towards the living room. "Did I know you were coming over?"

"No, I just thought I'd check on you after your first day at the new job. So how was it?" he lets himself fall on the nearest armchair and watches me curiously.

"It was okay." I answer, not willing to go into the specifics of the day.

"Okay?" he eyes me, a disappointed look in his faces. "That's all I get? I want details, Alicia." He gets up again and walks into my kitchen, randomly opening cupboards.

"You looking for something?" I follow him and lean in the doorway, watching him.

"Wine, beer, tequila. I am not picky." he opens the fridge and eyes the contents. "Did you even unpack any glasses, yet?"

"Sure, I got around to the essentials." I pass him and open another cupboard to retrieve some wine glasses and motion him to follow me back to the living room. I put the glasses on the coffee table and realize I still carry Peter's card in my hand. I try to put it away without Owen noticing and push it under some magazines that lie on the table.

"Any particular reason you need alcohol?" I ask him while I go back to the kitchen to get the wine.

"Nope. Just toasting your first day at the new job." I hear him say but his tone is not convincing. I walk back to the couch and pour the wine, handing Owen a glass before I sit down next to him.

"Come on, Owen. I know you. You could've called to ask about my day. What's up?"

"I broke up with Steven." he stares at his glass before he takes a big gulp of the red liquid.

"I'm sorry, Owen." I can't hide my amusement about this as my brother and his boyfriend have an on/off relationship and I am quite sure they'll be back together by the weekend.

"This time it's really over, Alicia." he stares at me, an accusing look on his face about my mocking tone.

"Okay. I am really sorry." I nod and try to sound more serious now. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head and grabs the bottle to refill his glass. He glances over to me, silently asking if I want more too but I just shake my head as I realize I haven't even had a sip from my wine.

"I'd rather hear more from your day. It must have been more than okay?" he peers over and I sigh at his attempt to change the topic again to my life.

"What do you want to know, Owen? It's still a law firm. So nothing fundamentally different than what I did in Baltimore. Clients, court and files. Isn't that what you always call it?" I smirk at him a little annoyed at his sudden interest for my work.

"Well, you could start by telling me what you hid under those magazines earlier." he looks innocently towards the table and takes another sip from his wine.

"I have no idea what you mean, Owen." I try to lie, but I already feel my cheeks burning and know that I am blushing. Why can I keep a poker face for anyone but my brother?

"You know that you can't lie to me, sis. So why do you always try?" he chuckles while he bends forward to push the magazines away. He grabs Peter's card before I even have a chance to interfere.

"Assistant State's Attorney Peter Florrick." he reads from the card and narrows his eyes when he looks at me again.

"I see you've been busy on your first day." he laughs and waves the card with his one hand.

"He is the prosecutor in the trial I am handling. So this is purely business, Owen." I try to fend him off when I realize that he noticed the handwriting on the backside. He stops his movements and turns the card over to read it.

"Purely professional?" he taunts me. "And why did he give you his home number, too? Spill it, sis. What's the story? Is he cute?" he places the card in front of me on the table.

"I don't know. He didn't add it...he just gave it to me like that." I try lying another time but the knowing smile of my brother tells me that my cheeks are burning up now and that he sees right through my dishonesty.

"You're lying again, sis. You know, the more you try to deny it the harder I will dig. So save us some time and just tell me the truth." he takes another sip from his wine and smiles intuitively at me.

"Okay I'll tell you." I sigh heavily in defeat and kick myself mentally for not being able to hide anything from my brother. "We had met a long time ago and he gave me his home number so we could go for a coffee some time." I finally admit and lean back into the cushions, taking a long sip from my wine at last.

"Interesting. So where do you know him from?" he smirks at me and I know he is in grilling mode now and won't stop until I give him something.

"Chicago, before we moved." I answer casually as I fold my legs beneath my body and take another sip from my glass.

"So you must be happy you ran into him again." he grabs the bottle and empties the remaining contents into his glass.

"Maybe, I didn't know him that well." I reach for the empty bottle and get up.

"Should I get another one? Or will you settle for water?" I tease him already knowing the answer when I see his fake shocked face and leave for the kitchen to get a second bottle of wine. When I return Owen is holding Peter's card in his hand again. He looks up and smiles mischievous at me as I sit down again.

"I know who this is!" he tells me exuberant.

"I doubt that." I chuckle because I am absolutely sure I never told him about that night I met Peter.

"Oh, I do, sis." he smiles widely at me. "This is the guy you danced with all night your last Christmas break here in Chicago before we moved to California." he puts the card back down and I feel a lump form in my throat as I remember when I told him.

That night after our parents had told us they would get a divorce we got drunk and I told Owen why I still hadn't married Will though I loved him and he had asked me already. I recall vividly now that I confided in him that I thought something was missing with Will and mentioned that jolt of electricity I had felt when Peter had touched me for the first time and that I couldn't shake the memory of that though I knew it was absurd as I would never see him again. Owen understood back then and called it 'love at first touch'. But he also called me crazy for just leaving him like that without at least giving myself a chance to see him again. He has no idea how often I have regretted making this decision on this cold January night back then. Ironically I've thought about it often in the last months while realizing my marriage was falling apart.

"Ok, your face speaks volumes right now." he tells me while opening the bottle. I sigh deeply and just nod.

"So call him." he says with emphasis, refilling my glass.

"No. What sense would it make?" I take the glass from him but just hold it in my hand. "I am in the middle of what looks like an ugly divorce with Will, I just started my new job and I am not even completely moved in here." I gesture towards the unopened boxes that occupy a large space in my living room.

"I can't handle this now." I nod towards the card that lies before me.

"Do you still love Will?" the smirk has left Owen's face and he looks at me with a serious glance in his eyes.

I sigh deeply as I slide further down the couch, letting my head rest at the back cushions closing my eyes and buying some time before I have to answer.

"Yes." I whisper as I open up my eyes.

"Then why are you divorcing him?" he shifts on the couch crossing his legs and faces me.

"You know all this, Owen." I try to end this discussion before it even starts, having no desire at all to talk about the downfall of my marriage now.

"No, sis. I don't. I don't know the reason you packed your life together and moved back here. I sensed you had problems but you never told me what triggered you to leave him."

"We just want different things from life and I couldn't take it anymore, Owen. His life is work and the firm. And I get that. He worked hard to get his dream working and I was glad helping him, but now that things are really good with the firm I thought we could finally start a family. But..." I pause as I think back at that big fight we had the night before I left him. I can still see the cold look in his eyes as he told me he doesn't want kids. Something broke inside me as I listened to his words that sounded so final in my ears and I just knew I had to end it. I couldn't go on like this. Waiting for my life to happen while he had found his and it was clear he hadn't factored me and my needs into it.

So I packed my things in the middle of the night and left. I thought I would feel better but I didn't. I still don't. And it gets all the more clearer that I haven't when I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I hurry to brush it away but Owen noticed it and places his arm around my shoulders pulling me into a hug.

"Are you sure you want to go through with the divorce as you clearly still love him?" he asks me in a caring voice. I just nod against his shoulder, the tears streaming down my face now. Owen lets me cry for a while until my tears have dried and I can breathe again. I lean back to look at him.

"I have to, Owen. We don't want the same things from life and I won't give up on my dream of a family. I can't! No matter how much I love him. I would end up hating him one day and he doesn't deserve that. He deserves someone who shares his dreams and clearly that's not me." I sniffle and wipe the tears from my face.

"And you deserve someone who shares yours, sis." he smiles at me and I manage to return it nodding lightly.

"Which brings us back to this card." he grabs it again from the table and holds it in front of me, grinning.

"No, Owen. I can't. I am not ready to even think about dating. Didn't you listen? I just told you I still love Will." I shake my head at him.

"Did you feel that electric jolt again when he touched you?" his voice is serious now.

I nod and right on cue the tingling feeling in my stomach overcomes me once more as I think back to the afternoon when Peter's and my hand touched.

"I don't think you should let that second chance on getting to know him pass you by, sis. How often do you get a second chance in life?" he hands me the card but I don't take it. Instead I just stare at it and let Owen's words run through my head.

"And how often does the memory of someone you only met once stay with you for years?" he adds, placing the card on my lap.

I close my eyes trying to clear my thoughts. Owen has a point but I am still not sure what to do.

"What do you have to lose, Alicia? You can only gain something from this. So call him and claim your second chance."


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the amazing reviews. I hope you continue to like the story :)

This chapter is rather short in comparison to the previous ones. But the next one is already in progress and the cut made sense here :)

And as always don't own them :/

* * *

I check my make up and outfit one last time in the hallway mirror and glance over to the clock next to the wardrobe. Five minutes left until he'll be here. I take a deep breath and think for the umpteenth time that I should've chosen something else to wear. But it's too late now. I shake my head at my reflection and ask myself why I really agreed to meet him. Why I even called him? But then I remember that warm feeling just touching his hand again gave me those few days ago and I realize once more that Owen is right. I have to take this second chance and see what really is behind all those mixed emotions I am feeling.

I had slept badly the night after Owen's visit, his words still remaining in my thoughts. But not only those about Peter and what I had to lose by calling him. Was he also right about my relationship with Will? Had I tried hard enough to make my marriage work or was I just throwing in the towel? He was right that we've had problems before and it had always been the same topic: Me wanting a family and he telling me to wait until the firm worked properly. I had swallowed it for the longest time as Will had never given me the slightest indication that he never wanted kids. So I really had been thrown as he revealed that he didn't want a family ever. But it had not been the fact in itself that shocked me the most but the way he said it with this grave voice and that cold stare that made the hairs on my back stand up. Even now thinking about it I can feel a chill and I do not ask myself for the first time if he ever really loved me. I am doubting his feelings for me 'cause I never made it a secret that I wanted kids right from when we had dated for a while. Thinking back now I realize he had just always nodded but never voiced the wish for a family himself. I feel the tears well up in my eyes but swallow them as I hear a knock on my door. Damn! Peter is right on time. I glance once more at my reflection before I open the door.

"Hi!" I greet him and just the sight of him sets a few butterflies in my stomach free and I know I did the right thing by calling him.

"Hey!" he smiles at me and I can see in his eyes he is as nervous as I am.

"You want to come in?" I step back to let him in but he shakes his head.

"I made reservations in half an hour and it's a bit of a drive." he says apologetically.

"Okay." I smile at him and turn to grab my coat and purse before following him to the elevator.

The drive to the restaurant he picked passes nearly in silence as we both seem to be aware of the fact that we are strangers. But weirdly the silence doesn't feel uncomfortable, it rather feels like we don't need words to understand each other.

"So, how is working at Stern&Lockhart?" he asks me once we have sat down at our table and the host has left. "Is Diane Lockhart as cutthroat in the office as she is in the court room?" he adds with a smirk.

"Well, I have yet to see her in court but so far I witnessed nothing to confirm this reputation." I chuckle and the butterflies in my stomach make another appearance as I see the smile reach his eyes and I cast down my glance to keep myself from blushing.

"But she warned me about you." I tease him just before the waiter makes his appearance to take our drink order.

"So, Diane warned you about me?" he picks up the conversation after the waiter has left us alone again.

"Yes, and ironically she used the term 'cutthroat' as well. So she was very pleased that I got my client out on electronic monitoring." I see a hint of surprise in his face as I reach for a menu and flip it open.

"Well, you didn't see me at my best at that hearing. I was a little thrown by opposing counsel." he also reaches for a menu and smiles warmly at me.

"If it's any consolation, I was distracted by the prosecutor, too." I peer over my menu, smiling shyly at him.

The conversation flows pleasantly through dinner as I learn his dad passed a few years back and he has a younger sister who is married with two kids but lives in Florida and he regrets that he sees his nephews too seldom due to the distance.

"My mom hates it, too. So she constantly urges me to get married." he chuckles while putting his coffee down.

The smile fades from my face. We have arrived at the topic of marriage. I had hoped we could skip that for now but I already feel the unspoken question linger in the air.

"So, what does your brother do?" he changes the subject after a few moments of silence and I look up surprised.

"He works as a teaching assistant but he's looking for a job elsewhere right now." I smile at him thankfully for sensing that I felt uncomfortable with the direction the conversation went before and wonder how he can read me that well.

"I'm separated from my husband." I tell him, suddenly realizing I owe him to be honest about this and am astonished how easy the words pass my lips. I watch him, searching for surprise in his features but he just continues to smile at me.

"I figured..." he stops himself when the waiter appears to serve our dessert.

"How?" I ask in a low voice as soon as we are left alone again.

"Well, I noticed that you reach for your ring finger quite often and withdraw your fingers again like realizing a ring that's used to be there is missing." he explains me softly while he glances at my hands that lay on the table before me.

"Oh!" a surprised sound escapes me as I never realized doing this but now thinking about it I have to admit he's right.

"Well, it's not been that long." I grab my fork and take a bite from my dessert trying to keep myself from talking.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." he still smiles at me and I can only smile back thanking him silently once more for seemingly understanding me without words.

"May I?" his smile widens as he lifts his hand and reaches for my face. Before I have time to say something he softly swipes some frosting from the tip of my lip. I twitch back as his fingers touch my skin and a small electric jolt hits me again.

"You felt it, too?" he looks at me a staggered expression on his face. I just nod as the butterflies in my stomach swarm again and I wonder what it means. Owen's words of 'love at first touch' from years ago ring in my head. Was he right?

We speak of other things while we finish our dinner and on the way back to my apartment, but I can sense that he is thinking about it just like me.

He parks the car in front of my building and walks me to the door.

"This time I got to walk you home." he teases me.

"Yes, you did." I chuckle and search for my keys in my purse.

"Will I see you again?" he whispers and I recall that he used the same words ten years ago.

I just watch him in silence for a few seconds and I can see the hope and insecurity battling in his eyes.

"Yes." I whisper back as I lean in and brush his lips briefly with mine before walking towards the door. Once inside I turn to look at him through the glass and he still stands in the same spot, watching me smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

The second chapter in 2 days...don't get used to that ;)

But this story seems to write itself. :D

Thanks for the reviews 3

Thanks go to Mary for just being there and beta reading this and to Steffi who helped with small but important details :D

This is for my AP girls, you know who you are :D

I hope you have as much fun reading as I had writing it. :)

Blablabla...don't own them ;)

* * *

The ring of my cell phone startles me and I look up from the file I am reading. I search my desk for the device and once I have located it I check the display who's calling me.

"Hey, Owen?" I greet my brother.

"Where are you? I've been waiting in front of your door for half an hour already." I can hear he's annoyed and I glance at my watch, my eyes widen in shock as I see how late it already is.

"I am sorry, Owen. I got held up at work." I lie and I really hope he's not able to tell through the phone. The truth is I totally forgot time reading the case file I just got this morning after I got back from court earlier.

"I will be home in 20 minutes. Don't leave." I tell him, already packing my stuff together with one hand.

"I won't. But hurry. You told me not to be late to drop off Dad's gift, 'cause you have a date later. Will you tell Peter too that you got held up at work?" he teases me and I realize he caught me again.

"See you in a bit. Bye!" I am not dignifying his tease with a real answer and hang up on him, tossing the phone in to my bag.

"Are you in a hurry, Alicia?" Diane's voice startles me again and I look to the door.

"Hi Diane!" I smile at her. "A little. My brother is waiting for me." I put my bag down on my desk as she walks into the room, closing the door behind her.

"I won't take long." she smiles at me and sits down in the chair in front of the desk.

I also sit down and watch her, hoping she's not bringing news that will interfere with my plans for the weekend.

"I just came to tell you we are very pleased with your performance in the last two months. Really good work, Alicia."

"Thank you, Diane. I really like working here." I smile relieved at her.

"And we are glad to have you. I know Chicago courts work a little differently than the ones in Baltimore but you adjusted quickly." she rises from her chair smiling approvingly at me.

"I see you got the Schmidt file. You'll be my second chair on this. Stern passed that over to me as it collides with another trial and the client insists on a name partner to handle this. Did you read it yet?" her gaze lingers on the open file on my desk.

"Yes, I did. And I look forward to working with you." I smile at her and try to hide the excitement that I can finally see her and work with her in court.

"We'll get on it as soon as you'll be back from your long weekend." she stands at the door and I search her face for any disapproval that I am taking two days off the following week. But her features show no judgement.

"I'll take the file with me, Diane. I will be fully prepared on Wednesday." I tell her in a tone that hopefully hides my insecurity about the situation and I briefly think about calling off the trip I have planned.

"Don't!" her face lights up in a small smile. "I guess you have plans already. Enjoy your weekend, Alicia."

"Thanks." I manage to tell her while she is already halfway through the door and I watch her leaving. I still have trouble figuring her out. But maybe working with her on that case will help me unveil some of her mysteries. But I don't have time to dwell on this thoughts now, so I grab my bag and coat and reach for the light switch of my desk lamp when I see Diane entering my office once again.

"I forgot something. The State's Attorney's office changed the prosecutor on the case. It'll be Peter Florrick instead of Matan Brody. So I am looking forward to see you handle him as you did so well the last time." she chuckles and I release a quiet sigh.

"But now go home and have a pleasant vacation." she smiles at me and turns to leave.

"Diane!" I call after her.

"Yes, Alicia?" she stops in the doorway and watches me inquiring.

"If Peter Florrick is the prosecutor I can't be your second chair on this case." I cast my glance down as I feel her surprised gaze.

"May I ask why?" she steps into the office fully and closes the door again.

"There could be a conflict of interest as we are sort of...dating." I keep my eyes down as I admit it in a low voice.

"Sort of dating?" I peer up again, not sure if I really heard a hint of amusement in Diane's tone. But she flashes me a half-smile as I look at her.

"Are you dating or not?" now I am pretty sure I can see a smirk in her eyes.

"Yes, we are dating for over a month now." I smile at the thought that it's been nearly two months already and thinking of the weekend I will spend with my dad I already miss him.

"Well, I am sorry I have to find a replacement for you now. But I am happy for you, Alicia, if he's the reason you smiled more during the last weeks." the expression on her face tells me she really means it.

"He is." I smile widely now and nod, feeling relieved she is taking it well.

"I kept a close look on you as I know your story and honestly I was worried when you started here. I am glad you're happy." her tone gets more serious now but she still smiles at me.

"But now, get out of here." she opens the door again and steps back holding it.

"Enjoy your weekend and remember my door is always open for you."

"Thank you, Diane." I smile grateful as I pass her to finally leave the office.

* * *

I hurry to my car and speed on the way to my apartment, highly aware that Peter will be at my door in under an hour. I hope I can have my brother out of there by then. It is not that I don't want my brother and Peter to meet as they actually have already and to my surprise got along quite well.

I silently thank my brother not for the first time for giving me the final push I needed to call Peter and go out with him. Once again I think what already could be if I had not left him standing in the street back then. But I don't linger at the 'what if' too long as I enjoy the present too much. Since our first dinner we have been seeing more and more of each other. But not just dinners. He also finds a way to combine our getting to know each other with me rediscovering the city of my youth. I chuckle when I remember how he took me to a basketball game on our third date. Chicago Bulls vs. NY Knicks. Though I really don't care for basketball or any sport in general it was cute how he took the time to try and explain the rules to me. And just thinking about seeing him cheer for his team and the joy in his face when the Bulls won was worth being there. I still feel the butterflies in my stomach each time I see him and we still exchange sparks, as we came to call it jokingly.

I finally arrive at my apartment and my brother greets me angrily getting up from the floor in front of my door.

"About time, sis. I was about to strike roots here." he follows me inside and places a badly wrapped package on my hallway table.

"Is that for Dad?" I ask him eyeing the package disapprovingly.

He just nods and walks into the living room, letting himself fall on the couch and reaches for the remote.

I follow him, checking my watch. I really need him out of here or I will never be ready in time for Peter to pick me up.

"What do you think you are doing, Owen?" I hope he can hear my annoyance.

"Hanging!" he doesn't even look at me while he switches through the channels.

"I really can't have you hang here right now. I need to get ready for my date. So could you please leave?" I walk over to him and snatch the remote from his hands, shutting the TV off.

"Are you mad?" he raises an eyebrow at me but stays put on the couch.

"A little, yes." I sigh and toss the remote on the couch again.

"I'm mad at you for not coming with me to Dad's birthday. And I still don't understand why." I let myself fall on the couch beside him.

"Well, sis. You know that me and Richard don't get along that well. And I thought you needed some time alone with him. You always were his fave, so..." he doesn't finish his sentence but I know he is right. The relationship between the two was always complicated and even more so after Owen admitted that he was gay. So Owen stays away from him as often as possible, kind of like I do with our mother.

"Could you please stop calling him Richard? You know I don't like that. He is our Dad and not your pal." I get up again and walk towards the smaller hallway leading to my bedroom.

"Well, you know why I don't call him Dad. What are you doing?" he shouts after me.

"Taking a shower. I have given up on trying to get you to leave." I call outside before closing the bathroom door.

"Can I do your make up, sis? Could be fun." I hear him tease from the other side of the door as I step under the shower.

"No way!" I yell back and remember that one time when we were kids and Owen found our mother's make up. I really don't think his abilities in this area have improved since then.

A few minutes later I step out of the shower. I really have to hurry now so I grab my hairdryer and walk outside into the bedroom in my bathrobe to find my brother lying on my bed.

"Up, Owen! I am not joking." I snap at him and he knows I mean it as he gets up immediately and sits down on the armchair in the corner.

"Sorry, I forgot you'll need this later tonight." he smirks at me and I need a second to fully realize what he means.

"No...yes...that really is none of your business!" I finally manage to tell him while I stare at the floor.

"Don't tell me you haven't slept with him, yet?" I can see the disbelieve in Owen's eyes as I peer up again. This time I try not to lie or deny anything and simply shake my head softly.

"Well, this explains the unopened box of condoms in your nightstand." he states a big grin on his face.

"Owen!" is all I manage as I am too shocked for words that he really looked around my drawers while I was in the shower.

"Sorry, sis! But I was bored and looking for something to read." he pouts at me as he knows all too well that I always have to laugh when he does that. It has been that way since we've been kids. And this time is no exception as I start giggling right away.

"I am really sorry, sis. Won't happen again. Promise!" he tells me in a low voice as soon as I stopped laughing.

"I'm counting on it, Owen." I try giving him my mad, big sister stare but I fail miserably judging from the smirk I see on his face.

"But back to the main topic here, sis. You can't be serious. You really have been doing nothing but holding hands for...how long are you dating him now?"

"Nearly two months now. And what I have been doing with Peter is really none of your business. We are taking it slow and I really like that." I sit down on my bed and play with the hairdryer that I still hold in my hands.

"Is it really both of you who are taking things slow or is it just you?" he stares at me and I can hear the curiosity in his voice.

"We never really talked about it. And I certainly don't want to talk about it with you." I stand up and plug the hairdryer into the socket to start drying my hair.

"Well, I guess talking will bring you nowhere near these condoms, Alicia." he chuckles and I know he is right. Not about the hand holding. We have kissed, of course and spent hours on the couch cuddling while watching movies but afterwards he either drives me home or leaves. I didn't really think about it before Owen pointed it out to me. Maybe Peter is waiting for some kind of sign from me it is okay to go further.

"You still feel married, Alicia. That's your problem." Owen's soft-spoken words bring me back from my thoughts and I put the hairdryer down to sit back down on the bed.

"Getting rid of your wedding ring is not enough, Alicia." I nod as I peer down on my left hand where I wore my engagement and wedding ring for the last six years.

"Do you want to sleep with him?" Owen has left his seat in the corner and sits down next to me. "Or did you buy the condoms for decoration purposes only?" he slightly teases me again and I have to smile at his joke.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to, sis. Just do what feels right for you." he smiles at me and squeezes my shoulder lightly.

"And now you better get ready. You can't greet him like this." he laughs and right on cue the doorbell rings.

"No, I can't. That's why you have to open now and entertain Peter until I'm ready. Go!" I point towards the door and watch him seriously.

"Okay." he grumbles while walking towards the door. "Can I tell Peter about the condoms?" he mumbles under his breath as soon as he thinks I can no longer hear him.

"Don't you dare!" I call after him and throw a pillow at him that hits him in the back.

"Ouch!" he cries out and turns walking back in my direction while picking up the pillow from the floor. He stops in the door frame and throws it back at me but I can duck and it flies over me and lands on the bed.

"This calls for payback, sis." he tells me before leaving again, closing the door behind him.

For a split second I think about going after him but then I remember I will run into Peter and so I just get up to finally dry my hair and get ready. I really don't want to keep the two men alone too long. God knows what Owen will tell Peter while I'm in here. So I hurry and leave my bedroom only 20 minutes later.

I walk in to the living room and they sit on the couch and from what I can see Owen is telling Peter a story which seems to have his full attention.

"...and my Dad comes back out finally with the right tool to adjust the bicycle seat and can't believe his eyes when he sees Alicia driving around without someone holding her." I hear my brother and I close my eyes and sigh as I recognize the story of how I learnt how to ride a bike. I should've known that he would tell some childhood embarrassments. As I open my eyes again I see that Owen has lost Peter's attention and he has noticed I entered the room. His face lights up as he stands up and walks over to me.

"Hey!" he leans in and kisses me softly on the cheek. I am somewhat surprised he doesn't kiss me properly but I guess it's because Owen is observing our every move and he confirms my suspicion as he whispers "You look stunning!" into my ear. I feel his breath on my cheek and a small sigh escapes me from the tingling sensation his lips have left on my skin.

"Thanks for that cute story of your beautiful sister as a kid but you will have to tell me the end some other time, Owen." he turns towards my brother.

"You're welcome, Peter." my brother smiles at him as he turns back to me and reaches for my hand.

"Ready?"

I nod and squeeze his hand before I look at my brother who still sits on the couch like this is his apartment and not mine.

"Owen, we are leaving." I try to encourage him to get up.

"I know, have fun and have her home by midnight, Peter!" he chuckles and I roll my eyes at him.

"Can I raid your bookshelf, sis? I have to observe on two exams tomorrow and this will be boring. Pleeeaaaseee?" he looks pleadingly at me and I shake my head at him laughing softly.

"Sure, but don't leave a mess!" I finally steer Peter towards the door and grab my coat and purse in passing.

"Lock up the door with the spare key when you're done, okay?" I call over my shoulder while leaving the apartment.

"Of course! Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do!" he shouts after us as I close the door. I roll my eyes again and walk towards Peter who waits at the elevator.

"I am sorry for my brother. I hope he didn't torture you with those stories." I smile apologetically at him.

"No, not at all. It was cute and I like your brother." he reaches for my hand again.

"Well, but he's not here now. So can I get a real kiss now?" I pout and peer upwards into his eyes which twinkle in amusement at me before he leans in and covers my lips with his. I let go of his hand and slide one around his waist while I let the other one wander upwards his arm and neck to pull him closer to me. I feel his hands wander over my back as I tease his bottom lip with my tongue to deepen the kiss further. I sigh into the kiss as his hand reaches the line of my dress and his fingers touch the bare skin at my neck. Suddenly I have no idea why I hesitated with my answer earlier. This feels right and for a brief second I want to go back inside, throw my brother out of the apartment and put those condoms to good use. We break for air and just stand there our foreheads touching, both panting heavily.

"You know your brother is probably watching through the viewer in the door." Peter whispers softly.

"I don't care." I murmur before placing another soft kiss on his lips.

* * *

Final thanks go to Kiki for naming Alicia's Dad. :D


	5. Chapter 5

Here we go with the next chapter. I hope you like it as much as the previous ones.

Thank you again for the great reviews I got for this. :)

A big thank you goes out to one person; you know who you are :)

The usual: Don't own them!

* * *

It's a relatively warm night for the end of March and so we went for a walk after getting back from dinner. But all too soon we arrive at Alicia's door. As I know I won't see her over the weekend I dread saying good night and leaving. Instead I pull her close and sigh when she rests her head against my shoulder. This will be the first weekend in a month we won't spend together. Looking back, the past weeks have passed in a blur of happiness. After we met in court I had my doubts if she would really call me. The happier I was when she did and accepted my invite to dinner. I really consider myself lucky we met again though I had hoped it would've been under a better prefix for Alicia. It took her a while to tell me the circumstances of her marriage breaking up but I sensed she felt better after I knew it.

Sometimes I think about what would've been if I had walked her home that night ten years ago and kick myself for not doing it. But it also made me more cautious of our relationship and I already know that I don't want to lose her again. As if she read my thoughts her embrace tightens and she lifts her head to place a soft kiss on my lips.

"Time to say good night, babe." I say sadly as we break the kiss.

She loosens her embrace, retrieves the keys from her purse and looks up at me again. I lean in to give her a good night kiss but she softly shakes her head and smiles at me.

"What..?" she cuts me off by placing her index finger over my mouth. I watch her confused but nod in agreement to not say anything when she removes her finger from my lips and grabs my hand pulling me with her.

She unlocks the door and I follow her towards the elevators. Once inside she reaches for my other hand and steps closer, smiling softly at me.

"I don't want to say good night, yet." she whispers, placing a light kiss on the tip of my lip.

I still watch her bewildered while she captures my lips in a searing kiss and lets go of my hands to open my suit-jacket. Her fingers glide over my chest until they find the knot of my tie which she loosens slowly. I break the kiss and softly pull her chin up to make her look at me.

She seems to read my mind again as she whispers "Yes" to my unspoken question if she is really sure of this. I search her eyes but all I see in them is an affirmation of what her lips said. I smile at her and start trailing kisses from her temple down her cheek and further down her throat while my hands wander under her coat towards her back caressing it tenderly. Her hands move up my neck and she runs her fingertips through my hair as my lips find hers again. She moans softly as I pull her even closer to me. The sound alone sends tingles down my spine. We only break the kiss as the bing from the elevator announces we have reached our destination. Alicia grabs my hand again and we walk to her door.

I have barely closed it behind me when I feel her lips again on mine and she frees me of my coat and jacket, gently guiding me in the direction of her bedroom. Once inside I pull her close to me and kiss her tenderly, slowly pushing down her coat she is still wearing. I have no intention to rush this so I softly reach for her hands which already untuck my shirt. She breaks the kiss watching me insecure.

"We have time." I whisper smiling at her reassuringly. She casts down her eyes and I guess I can see her blush a little in the semi-darkness of the room. I cup her cheek in my palm and she peers up to me smiling again. I trace her lips with my thumb which she gently kisses before I replace it with my lips. I leave her lips to continue my trail down her throat following the line of her dress towards her back. I find the zipper and open it slowly covering every exposed inch of skin with feather light kisses. I feel her shudder and slide my other hand around her waist caressing her stomach. I reach the end of the zipper and let my other hand rest on her hip turning her gently around so she faces me again. She smiles at me before our lips meet once more. I tenderly stroke her bare back and pull the material from her arms. She breaks the kiss to help me and the smooth fabric falls to the floor.

I groan gently as I look at her standing in front of me. I roam her body with my eyes drinking in the sight of her only clothed in a black lace bra, matching panties and thigh highs. She smiles seductively at me as she steps out of her dress, her hands finding my tie again, loosening it completely this time. I run my fingertips around her waist, taking my time to caress her naked skin before letting my hands wander upwards to run my thumbs over the thin lace covering her breasts. Her fingers slowly open the buttons of my shirt and her lips trace my collarbone as she pushes it down my shoulders. I pull her towards me and enjoy the feeling of her naked skin pressed to mine. Her hand finds mine and she guides us towards the bed where she sits down in front of me. Her fingertips trace the waistband of my trousers before she unbuckles my belt. I get rid of my pants, shoes and socks while she slides backwards on the bed. I join her and and we share a heated kiss while our hands eagerly explore each others bodies. We break for air and my fingers play with her bra strap as I realize we didn't talk about protection.

"Uhm, babe, what about protection?" I lean back and smile uncertain at her.

She slides her hand along my arm and places a soft kiss on my lips before she smiles mischievously at me.

"Top drawer." she gestures towards her night stand and laughs as I look at her a little stunned. I lean over her to open the drawer and retrieve a box of condoms with a note attached to it. Now it's her turn to look surprised as she sits up and grabs the note. I chuckle softly as I have already read it:

'Have fun when it feels right! Love Owen'

Once again she blushes lightly as I take the note from her hand and look into her eyes.

"Does it feel right?" I ask her and I hope she can read from my eyes that I will understand if she doesn't want to go further.

"It does, Peter!" She holds my gaze and nods firmly a smile lighting up her face. I smile back and capture her lips again to continue where we left off.

A small eternity later she lays cuddled up in my arms and I can feel she is nearly falling asleep. I pull her even closer and put a soft kiss behind her ear which earns me a sleepy sigh from her. I lift my head to be able to watch her face. Her eyes are closed and her lips are curled up in a content smile. I am not tired at all. I could watch her all night and be the happiest man on earth. I am past the point of just caring about her. I know for a while now that I have deeper feelings for her. I am not quite sure if I haven't been in love with her since the night we met 10 years ago. But I know that I have never felt more alive since she walked back into my life.

I never believed in the term 'soul mate' as I had a problem accepting the fact that there is only one person in the whole wide world you can be happy with. And I still believe that you can find life's happiness with more than one person. But if there is really one person out there for everyone that can make you feel complete I guess I found that matching part for me in Alicia. I never could truly relate why people call sex love-making until tonight. And I suddenly realize that I probably never was in love before. I've had relationships, some short-lived, some more serious. But I've never felt that connection to any of these women that I experienced earlier while sleeping with Alicia. I place another kiss on her hair and she stirs softly in my arms and slowly opens her eyes.

"Go back to sleep." I whisper in her ear and kiss her cheek.

"Why aren't you asleep?" she turns in my arms and nestles her face on my shoulder kissing my neck softly.

I feel the words 'I love you' bubbling up inside of me but I swallow them down, sensing it's still too early to tell her.

"I will now." I say instead as I feel her gaze on my face. I steal another kiss from her lips before I finally close my eyes and sleep captures me moments later.

* * *

The morning has passed way too fast and soon it is time for Peter to leave as I have to get ready to make my flight to California in the afternoon. We have spent most of the morning in bed and I once more feel the swarm of butterflies in my stomach while I watch him getting dressed. But I also feel a sadness capturing my heart thinking about that I won't see him for a couple of days. He is still in the same room and I already miss him. It's been a while since I felt like this about anyone. Not since I started dating Will. But that feeling faded and I don't want and can't compare my relationship to Will with what is just starting with Peter. I know that I still love my husband and no matter what our relationship will end up to be once the divorce is finalized, he will always have a place in my heart. I still have trouble to put a name on the feelings I have for Peter. I think it's too soon to call it love but I also know its way more than friendship already. I care deeply about him and although he is just in my life for two short months the thought of losing him leaves me short of breath.

"Alicia?!" Peter's voice brings me back from my thoughts and I look up at him standing fully dressed in front of me.

"From where did you just come back?" he watches me amused and I smile apologetically at him.

"Nowhere." I shake my head slightly and get up from the bed where I have been sitting.

"Thinking about the fastest way to get me out of here, right?" he chuckles as I walk over to him.

"No!" I exclaim sliding my hands around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Rather the opposite." I smile sadly upwards as he puts his hands on my waist and caresses me through the thin fabric of my bathrobe.

"But I have to. I don't want to but you have to get ready." he places a quick peck on the tip of my nose and hesitantly takes his hands from my body.

"Yes." I nod lightly and follow him slowly outside into the hallway where he picks up his jacket and coat that still lie on the floor where I stripped them from him the previous night. I smile at the memory and close the distance between us. He pulls me close and we share a slow kiss that he breaks way too soon for my liking.

"I have to go now, babe." he whispers but stays put with his arms once more around my waist.

"Yeah!" I nod reluctantly and push him softly away. I hear him sigh as he loosens the embrace and turns towards the door. We share a last kiss in the doorway.

"I'll miss you." I whisper softly as he slowly lets go of my hand and walks towards the elevator. He smiles at me as he steps into the lift and I close the door. I lean against the wall and just stay there for a while feeling lost now he's gone. I am about to finally leave the hallway to get ready when a soft knock on the door startles me. I open it and see Peter standing in front of it, a soft smile playing on his lips.

"Did you forget something?" I ask him not quite able to hide my astonishment.

"Yes, I did." he closes the distance between us and reaches for my hands.

"I love you." he whispers. I gasp in surprise and am not sure how to respond.

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know." he tells me softly and I peer into his eyes which confirm his words. Instead of saying anything I lean in and kiss him softly on the lips. Seconds later he stands in front of the elevator and I watch him leave once more. I go back into the apartment and lean at the wall again. My heart pounds heavily in my chest and I am still a little shocked by what just happened. I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself but the millions of butterflies in my stomach won't settle down. A few minutes pass and just as I detach myself from the wall to leave the hallway another knock on my door surprises me.

"Did you forget something else." I boldly open the door but the smile freezes on my face as I realize it isn't Peter.

"Will?" is all I manage to say.

"Hey Alicia!" he greets me a small smile on his lips. "I need to talk to you. Can I come in?"

"I don't know what we need to talk about that our lawyers can't handle." I fold my arms in front of my chest.

"I miss you."


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the amazing reviews I still get for this story. They keep me writing :D

* * *

I sit in my seat on the plane and stare out the window without even realizing it. My head is filled with all the experiences from the last 24 hours. A part of me is glad that I am away from Chicago now for a while though I know that running is no solution to anything. Not this time. But the days away will give me a chance to process everything and think about what happened and what I will do about it.

Will's confession totally surprised me and I was momentarily so overwhelmed from all that had been going on I agreed to let him in. It was weird having him around again as we hadn't actually met in months. I was so occupied with my own thoughts so I really didn't listen to much more that he told me. All I remember is that I agreed to meet him once I'd be back from California. And that he misses me and wants me back. I let my head fall on the back rest of my seat and have trouble repressing a loud laugh. This is so surreal. How did I end up in a situation like this? Two months ago I was in the middle of a divorce, started a new job and didn't waste a thought on a new relationship. And now I have an estranged husband who admitted on missing me and a boyfriend who just confessed he loves me. I shake my head at myself and try to bring some sense into the turmoil of feelings that I experience.

I know I still love Will but can I really picture myself at his side again? I think I recall him saying something that he wants to change. Can he? I have no idea. And will it be enough for me. I feel no desire to break everything up in Chicago again and go back with him to Baltimore. I like my new job, the challenges that come with it and not being the boss's wife. And I love having my brother close by even though I could strangle him sometimes for his special humor that he likes to tease me with. Like that note on that pack of condoms.

I feel my cheeks burn as I think back to the previous night. I should've not been surprised by Peter's 'I love you' after the way he had made love to me last night. Gentle and caring like he anticipated my every need. I couldn't complain about my love life with Will but I'd be lying to myself if I wouldn't admit that I never felt more special and more loved than last night. A feeling that had long been missing from my relationship with Will. But I can't blame him alone for that. We had lost us as a couple in the every day life of work and building the firm. A dream of his I had happily taken part in building. Always hoping that once it was done we would start making my dream of a family a reality. But instead he had shattered it into a million pieces. Can anyone blame me for trying to find someone I can share that dream with? Is that someone Peter? I don't know yet. Can I picture him as father? Yes, I can as I have seen pictures with his nephews and heard him talk about how much he loves to spend time with them. An image of him, me and a dark-haired baby appears in front of my inner eye but I push it away fast. I can't think like that right now. I have to put my life in order first.

I look forward to talk with my Dad about all of this. He has always been my confidante since I was a kid and had helped me with all my problems and decisions I had to face from my first broken heart to which college to choose. I hope his guidance and advice will help me see my situation clearer and might lead to a decision on how to go on from here. I know I owe Will to really meet with him and hear him out but I also dread it as I was sure about my decision before he showed up again. So I already know no matter what my Dad will have to say about this I have to wait with my final decision until I have talked to Will. I close my eyes and sigh deeply. As I open them again I decide to try to not think about it any further and retrieve the book I brought from my bag.

* * *

It's already Monday night as I finally get my Dad to myself for more than a few minutes. The house had been full with birthday guests on Sunday and we spent most of today getting everything cleaned again.

"So, how are you, pumpkin? And don't tell me that polite crap you told everyone yesterday." my Dad walks up on me from behind on the terrace and hands me a glass of red wine. I sigh and smile at the same time, liking and cursing his ability to read me like his morning paper. He takes the seat next to mine and just looks at me, waiting.

I sigh once more and really don't know where to start.

"I was fine until Saturday morning, but then Will showed up at my doorstep and now I question everything again, Dad."

"Really everything? From what you told me on the phone you like your new job, don't you?" he takes a sip from his wine and nods approvingly as I picked it.

"Yes, I love the new job. I have to prove myself there and I really like that." I also taste my wine and keep my gaze at the sky that already turns pink as the sun is about to set.

"And what about that man you met, Peter, right?" he smiles at me and I smile back, happy that he always listens when I tell him something and remembers Peter's name though he never met him.

"He's great! I love that I can be myself around him. He makes me happy and..." I stop myself, not sure if I should tell my Dad that Peter said 'I love you' yet. So I just smile at him.

"And?" he puts his glass on the table and leans nearer toward me.

"He loves me, Dad." I sigh and am mad at the ability of the men in my family to always sense when I lie or hold something back.

"Well, how could he not, pumpkin?" he chuckles softly, reaches for my hand and squeezes it lightly.

"But do you love him, too?" his expression gets serious. My gaze goes out to the sinking sun and I take some time before I answer.

"I think I'm starting to, Dad." I look at him and I feel a warmth spread through my body that proves my words are true. I really miss Peter and can't wait to see him again tomorrow.

"Where is your problem then?" he tilts his head and looks at me inquiring.

I shrug and take another sip from my glass.

"You still love Will too and ask yourself if you can just walk away now that he wants you back, right?" he smiles knowingly.

I close my eyes and nod slowly. He's right. Will's lack of interest in me after I left him made it easier for me to go on. But knowing now that he probably has reconsidered ignited a spark of hope that my dream of a family with him might still come true after all.

"Does Peter know Will came by?"

"No, I haven't told him yet." I shake my head, casting down my gaze.

"You need to tell him, Alicia." I look up surprised by his sudden serious tone and the use of my full name. He only calls me Alicia if he tells me something important.

"Yes, as soon as I see him tomorrow. He'll pick me up from the airport anyway."

"Don't wait that long. Call him now. He has a right to know. And you need to talk to Will, too. Hear him out at least."

"Do you think I left too soon, Daddy?" I finally ask the question that tortures me since Will stood in front of my door.

"Well, patience is not a virtue that you and your mother call your own. I know it wasn't easy for your mother but we could've made it if she had shown a little more endurance." his glance has left me and he watches the last glimpses of the setting sun and I know that he thinks back at the time we still were a family.

I get up from my seat and step up to him. I bend down and place a kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks, Dad. I knew talking to you would help me see things clearer." I smile at him thankfully.

"I am here whenever you need me, pumpkin." he cups my cheek in his hand and I feel like the little girl again that thought Dad could fix anything. But all too soon reality grabs me again and I know I have to fix this on my own. I smile at him once more and go back into the house.

* * *

I stand in the arrival area at O'Hare International and watch the arrival board every few seconds. Finally Alicia's flight is marked as landed and I start getting nervous. It took me some begging to get the flight information out of Owen but I succeeded. He refused at first but my negotiation skills are feared in my profession so they'll always prevail with Alicia's brother. I briefly wonder why we never got along. Is it me or would he simply detest any man his sister chose out of pure brotherly instinct to protect her? I stop thinking about Owen when the door behind the barrier slides open and the first passengers step outside. I peer through the doors to see if I can already spot Alicia but she is nowhere to be seen. The doors shut again and I let my glance wander over the people standing around me. My gaze stops at a tall, dark haired guy whose eyes are as fixed at the door as mine were a few moments before. He holds a single red rose in his hands and I smile as I imagine he waits for his wife or girlfriend too. I smile at him as his gaze turns in my direction and hope the reaction from the person he is waiting for will be more happy than the one I expect from Alicia. She never liked surprises that much and I know she will not like me showing up here. But I had to be here as I fear once she is back in the office she will find excuses not to meet me. And I can't stay in Chicago forever. Not yet anyway. I have thought a lot about that brief talk we had in her apartment and the more I ponder it the weirder I think Alicia reacted to my appearance. She seemed totally far away with her thoughts like something else occupied her mind. I wonder what it could've been as the door slides open again. At first some businessmen with briefcases emerge but soon I see the familiar features of my wife. I smile at her but she doesn't seem to notice me. I see her search the people standing around me and finally she seems to have found who she was looking for as her face lights up in a bright smile and she walks determinedly towards a group of people to my left. I try to see if Owen is among them and think that it would be typical for him to show up though he knows I will pick her up. But I can't see him as the dark-haired guy from earlier is blocking my view.

He smiles now as well and I peer around to get a look at the girl he's waiting for when I realize that Alicia walks in his direction. I feel a lump form in my throat. But I still have hope that Owen will appear behind that guy any second and he is really smiling at the old lady walking behind Alicia. But my hope is shattered as I observe Alicia coming to a halt right before him. They talk briefly and my breathing stops as I see him lean down and kiss her on the lips. This is no ordinary kiss like some close friends might share. This is a real kiss. My mouth gets dry as I see them break the kiss, their foreheads touching, gazing in each others eyes. They don't seem to notice anything around them and a strange feeling runs through my body. At first I can't really name it but suddenly it hits me - Jealousy. I have to close my eyes as it seems to be too much to watch them a second longer. I think about leaving but something holds me back. A foreshadow that tells me I can't let her leave without knowing I was here to pick her up. I have to make my presence known but I really can't let them be aware that I saw them kissing. I open my eyes again and see them turn to leave. An idea shoots through my head and I walk fast through the people running and standing around strictly paying attention they can't see me as I pass them. I manage to change directions backwards to where I came from but now I walk directly towards them, pretending I just arrived at the terminal.

"Alicia!" I call out as they are a few steps ahead of me. I see her look around, trying to find the source of the call. Finally her eyes find me and I see her face fall. I watch her loosen her arm from his back, stopping and staring at me.

"Hey!" I say as I approach them.

"Will? What are you doing here?" Alicia tries to talk in a normal voice but I can hear she is annoyed that I'm here.

"Owen told me when your plane comes in and I thought I pick you up. But he didn't tell me that you ordered a town car service." I smile at Alicia and look up the tall guy whose expression I can't read.

"He's not a chauffeur, Will." I can see in her face that she has no idea how she should introduce us.

"Sorry." I extend my hand to him. "Will Gardner. Alicia's husband." he takes my offered hand but his expression is still the same. I had hoped to trigger some surprise with the husband detail. But either he already knew who I am or he doesn't care.

"Peter Florrick. Nice to meet you, Mr. Gardner." a slight smile appears on his face as we shake hands.

"He is a friend who offered to pick me up." I can clearly see how uncomfortable this situation is for Alicia but my jealousy has taken over and the guy can be happy that I didn't punch him right away. Because that's how I feel right now but the rational part of me knows that I won't win anything with that kind of behavior. A black eye maybe but surely not Alicia's love.

"It's nice to see you already found friends here, honey." I smile at her and regret adding her nickname immediately as I see her roll her eyes.

"So, how do you know each other?" I ask casually.

"We work together." Alicia answers shortly and I hear from her tone she is not in the mood for small talk.

"So you are a lawyer, too. At the same firm?" I go on nonchalantly.

"No, I am an ASA." Peter tells me and now his poker face makes total sense to me.

"Well, as I am here unannounced and apparently not needed I will leave you two then. Call me tomorrow?" I smile at Alicia and I can see I surprised her with that.

"Bye, Mr. Florrick. Nice to meet you." I smile at him before I look back at my wife.

"Please call me tomorrow, Alicia." I repeat and wave at her before I turn to walk to the exit.

"Will! Wait!" I hear Alicia's voice not 5 seconds later. I face them again and see her talking to Peter. He nods at her words but I am too far away to hear what they are saying. I look away as I don't want to leave the impression of watching them but I can see in the corner of my eye that she kisses him on the cheek before she takes her suitcase from him and walks towards me.

"Let's go, Will. We need to talk." she snaps at me as she passes me and I can't help but smirk.

* * *

This was my first real try at writing Will and the fact that I choose to write this story in First Person POV didn't make it easier.

So I really hope I did him justice.

Thanks go to Mary for helping me getting in Will's head. :)


	7. Chapter 7

_My heartfelt thanks go out once more to Mary who kicks me to go on writing and has an open ear for all of my problems. Brainstorming with you is the best :)_

_This chapter is dedicated to Fan-Ncis-Fic who is this stories No 1 fan. Thank you :)_

_And again: Don't own them. Just like to play with them ;)_

* * *

I'm furious at Will for just showing up at the airport like this. And I am even more angry with my brother for giving him the flight information as I pass Will and walk fast towards the exit. I hoped to get a few more days to think and also talk with Peter properly. I did as my father suggested and called him the previous night to tell him Will had showed up. He was understanding as I assumed but I promised him we'd talk as soon as I got home. But now I am here walking towards the parking garage with my husband that I live separated from for months and have no idea what he wants to tell me. Different scenarios go through my head and I feel a little helpless as I have no clue how to react to any of them. Part of me feels flattered that he wants me back though I am also disappointed it took him this long to realize he misses me.

We reach his rental car and he takes the suitcase from me to put it in the trunk while I get into the car. The drive passes in silence aside from the few words I use to give him directions. I catch myself peering over to him and can't shake the feeling of familiarity being in his presence again gives me. I let my head fall back against the headrest and sigh quietly. I can feel his eyes on me but I keep my gaze forward on the street.

Finally we arrive at my apartment and I tell Will to have a seat while I carry my stuff into the bedroom. I enter the bathroom to wash my hands and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look exhausted and not like I have just spent a few days under the Californian sun. I dread going back out into the living room and decide to also change my clothes. Once I have replaced my jeans and blouse with more comfy clothes I run out of ideas to postpone that talk any longer. Leaving the bedroom my gaze lingers at the bed and my thoughts go back to the last night I spent in there with Peter. How happy I felt waking up in his arms. And though that was only a few days ago it somehow feels like another lifetime. I force my glance away from the bed and open the door.

"You wanted to talk, so talk, Will." I enter the room and take a seat opposite the couch on which he sits.

"I am sorry, Alicia." a small smile plays on his lips but I think I can see some regret in his eyes.

"For what exactly are you sorry?" I hold his gaze and fold my arms in front of my chest.

"Basically for everything. For saying the things I said and how I said them, for not holding you back when you left and for staying away so long." the smile fades from his face.

"Then why come here now?"

"I guess I needed the time to get clarity about our situation. That I really hurt you by telling you I never wanted kids."

I nod at his statement but don't say anything.

"I know that now as I had a lot of time to think. And I hope it is not too late for trying to win you back." he avoids looking at me and stares on the floor.

"Did you...mean it?" I try to hold my voice steady but I fail miserably. I have no idea why I fear his answer suddenly as I was so sure of it since I left him.

"No." he finally answers, lifting his head again to look at me.

"But it sounded like you did mean it back then." my voice sounds normal again though my heart is racing and I still have no idea what to make of all this.

"I know it did and I'm sorry for that. If I had known what it'd do to you I would've never said it. Please believe me, Alicia."

I nod slowly and search his face for any sign he might be lying. But he keeps looking into my eyes and I can't see any hint of insincerity in his.

"Then why did you?"

"I thought a lot about that and I guess I got afraid of any changes to our life. And terrified at the thought of becoming a father. You know my dad wasn't the best role model and I fear I'd be as bad as he was."

I nod again as I suddenly feel a lump in my throat. And once more the thought of having left too soon captures me.

"But your leaving forced me to think and reevaluate my options and I am here now because my love for you is bigger than my fear of failing as a father. If I still have a chance with you I won't screw up again, Alicia."

"I have no idea what to say about this, Will." I softly shake my head and close my eyes, trying to make some sense of what he just told me.

"I don't want an answer right away, honey." I hear him stand up and walk a few steps. My eyes fly open as I feel him take my hand in his.

"I know you have adjusted to your new life here and I won't take this from you. We can stay here in Chicago, if you want to." he squeezes my hand lightly and smiles.

"How? Why? Your firm is in Baltimore." I look at him and know the confusion I feel is written all over my face.

"I will open up another office here in Chicago. We landed another big client after you left and you know I always dreamed about a second office and now I can make this a reality." the smile spreads over his whole face now and I feel proud of him that he fulfilled his dream. The feeling confuses me even more and suddenly all I know is that I need to be alone.

"Can you please leave now, Will. I need to think." I pull my hand from his and get up.

"Sure, honey. Take all the time you need." he leans in and places a kiss on my cheek. I try to ignore the feeling of familiarity and security that captures me once his lips touch my skin but I fail and realize that I am not over him.

"Bye, Will." I remain in my spot while he heads for the hallway to leave. I hear him open the door.

"What would change if I said yes to trying again, Will?" I call after him and walk into the hallway. He stops and turns to face me.

"What would be different as you are about to get a second firm running. How do I know we won't end up like this again because we come second again to the job?" I lean in the doorway and watch him curiously.

"It'll be different 'cause we have changed and won't make the same mistakes again." he smiles at me before he leaves and shuts the door behind him. I slide down the wall and come to sit on the floor burying my head in my hands.

* * *

I have no idea how long I stand here at the window watching the sky. Probably hours as the sun has gone down in the meantime and I can see the first stars emerge. That is not how I imagined this evening, spending it alone at home. I didn't plan anything special for tonight as I figured Alicia might be tired after the long flight. But I would've been content just spending time with her after the few days we only talked on the phone. I missed her badly. A feeling that is new to me but tells me all the more that I really love her.

I wasn't overly worried when she called me last night and told me her husband had come to see her. I had anticipated that for a while now. Ever since she told me they hadn't spoken since she left him. But I never really reckoned for him to show up actually wanting her back after all she told me about the reason she broke it off. I still can't shake the feeling of disappointment that lingers in me since she left me at the airport to go with him. But it is not the action in itself but that she only told me about his real motive seconds before she walked away with him. She had ignored that fact in our conversation the previous night but promised we'd talk about it when she was back. But instead she is with him now and I have to struggle hard to keep the images that come to my mind away.

I finally turn from the window and walk a few steps into the dark living room. My gaze stops at the rose I brought her that I simply tossed on the coffee table after I got home. I walk over to pick it up and my first impulse is to throw it in the trash. But midway to the kitchen I reconsider. I retrieve a glass from the cupboard, fill it with water and put the flower in it to place it on the table once more. I let myself fall on the sofa. I find the remote and flip aimlessly through the channels. Nothing captures my attention though I yearn for something to distract my thoughts from Alicia and what might be going on right now between her and her husband.

A noise from the hallway makes me stop my channel switching and I mute the TV. There it is again and now I can tell it's a soft knock on the door. I check my watch and decide it is too late for any visitor. Not that I am in the mood to see anyone now anyhow.

I turn on the sound of the TV again and continue my search for something that will keep me occupied or help me fall asleep. But whoever is in front of my door won't give up as the knocking gets louder and more persistent. I finally get up from the couch to open the door and tell that intruder to get lost. I'm in the middle of the hallway as I hear Alicia's voice from the other side of the door.

"Peter, it's me. Please open the door. I know you're home."

I freeze on the spot and honestly have no idea if I should open or not. It seems like my head and my heart are fighting a battle inside me. My mind tells me to postpone seeing her as I fear the worst for what she might tell me. And my heart urges me to open that door as fast as possible and pull her into my arms. I am still not sure which side is winning as I feel myself moving towards the door to turn the knob.

* * *

I can hear the TV from inside as I walk towards Peter's apartment door and am thankful he is home. I knock once and wait. The TV noise from inside stops so I knock once more. I can't hear a thing from the inside now and I get nervous. Even more nervous than I have been since I decided to come here in the first place. I know it wasn't right how I left Peter standing at the airport to go with Will. But I needed to get this talk with Will behind me. Not that I know now what to do but at least I have clarity about what Will wants. Maybe coming here was not the best idea but all I can think about now is burying myself in Peter's arms like this would make everything all right again. I know it won't but hopefully I can forget the turmoil going on in my life for a few hours. I stare at the door as if my sheer will power could open it but I hear no steps nearing it. Instead I can hear the TV again and I realize he is not going to open. I knock again. More persistent now. But even after several knocks the door stays closed.

"Peter, it's me. Please open the door. I know you're home."

I try another approach and call out to him. The thought he might know it's me and that is the reason he is not opening shoots through my mind as soon as the words have left my lips. I think about leaving to stop making a fool out of myself when I see the door open.

"Hey!" is all I manage as soon as the door is completely open. He looks at me and I can't read his expression. I just realize he still wears the same clothes from this afternoon and the apartment behind him is bathed in darkness.

"Hi!" he leans in the door frame and folds his arms in front of his chest. I sense that somehow I am the last person he wants to see right now.

"I am so sorry, Peter. I shouldn't have left you like that." I want to close the distance between us but his posture and the indifferent look on his face makes me stay where I am.

"You have every right to be angry with me. But can you let me in, please, so we can talk?" I step forward a bit and to my surprise he turns and nods his head which I take as permission to enter.

I walk past him and as soon as I am inside he shuts the door and grabs my arm to pull me against him. I gently cry out in surprise but as I look up into his eyes I can see him smile at me. The next second I can feel his lips on mine. I sigh into the kiss and wrap my arms around him to bring him even closer to me. His hands wander from my arms to my back and one finds its way on my neck where he softly caresses my skin. The kiss is far from gentle and I get the feeling he reclaims me as his again. I respond eagerly as this seems to be what I need. We break for air and I rest my face on his chest.

"I am sorry, Peter." I whisper and search for his hands.

"It's okay, babe. You're here now. That's all that matters." he murmurs into my ear.

Our lips meet again, softer and slower this time. I feel him pushing down my coat but I grab his hands and break the kiss.

"Can you just hold me tonight?" I peer upwards and see a glimmer of disappointment in his eyes.

"Don't get me wrong, I..." he silences me with a quick kiss.

"Sure." he smiles understandingly at me and we walk to his bedroom still holding hands.

A while later I lay snuggled up to him in bed. I listen to Peter's even breathing and I feel like I can put my mind to rest for the first time in days. And though I was sure before that all I wanted was to spend the night in his arms I suddenly want more. The feeling of his fingertips on my skin just beneath the hem of the shirtsleeve he gave me to sleep in sends tingles through my whole body. I let my hand wander over his stomach and slide it under his shirt. I hear him inhale sharply as my fingertips glide upwards over his chest. I feel his gaze on me and peer up to look in to his eyes. I can see some confusion in them and I smile at him while I shift so my upper body comes to rest on his chest.

"You don't need to..." This time I shut him off with a kiss, but one that has us both panting for air a short while later.

I continue to trail his chest with my hands and feel his do the same under my shirt on my back. I place another soft kiss on his lips before I sit up and remove my shirt and let it fall to the floor next to the bed. I watch his eyes wander over my naked upper body and I could lose myself in the love and desire I can see in them. He gently reaches for my hand and pulls me back down. Our lips meet again and his hands roam freely over my naked back and sides, stroking my breasts lightly, making me moan into the kiss. I gently tug at the hem of his shirt and it soon follows mine to the floor.

* * *

It is already light outside when I wake. I turn around but find the place next to me deserted. I sit up and run one hand through my hair as my gaze wanders around the room. Alicia's clothes are gone from the chair she put them on last night. All I can see there is the shirt she slept in neatly folded on the seat. All this tells me she's gone. I feel the emptiness take a hold of me. I slowly get up and walk over to the chair. I pick up the shirt. I still can smell her scent in the fabric. I head for the living room still harboring a glimpse of hope she might be in there or in the kitchen. But both rooms are empty. I sit down on the couch sighing heavily when my gaze gets stuck on the water glass I put the rose in the other night. It's empty too. Alicia must have taken it. I still clutch the shirt in my hand and can't shake the feeling of goodbye grabbing my heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for all the reviews I got. They keep me writing :)

And special thanks go out to Mary, Randi, Kiki, Imane and Allison for their continued support and belief in this story :)

* * *

"Hey, sis." Owen's voice scares me and I wheel around, the cookie tin I am holding stumbles to the floor with a loud crash.

"Are you crazy?" I scream at him, catching my breath while leaning back against the counter.

"Sorry." he mumbles back at me, looking nearly as shocked as I feel.

"How did you even get in here?" I have calmed down and wonder how he got into my kitchen.

"I used the spare key I took on friday, you remember?" he dangles the key on his index-finger in front of my face.

"Sure." I exhale in relief as I recall telling him to lock the door with the spare key after he finished raiding my bookshelves. I feared I had left the door open earlier for a second.

"But why didn't you knock?" I can't help the accusatory tone in my voice.

"I did, but the fact that your stereo in the living room is blasting the windows out you probably didn't hear it and after the 5th knock I decided to let myself in. Sorry if I scared you." he glances down, shrugging apologetically.

"You're right." I mimic his gesture and smile at my brother before I pass him to silence the music in the next room.

"So, to what do I owe your visit?" I enter the kitchen again and pick up the tin from the floor.

"Well, I wanted to return the key and hear about your weekend with Dad." he puts the key on the counter.

"So, how was it?"

"Aren't you forgetting a small detail, Owen?" I can see in his face that he knows what I am talking about as he avoids looking at me and focuses his gaze on the tin I still hold in my hands.

"Are you baking cookies?" I see right through his attempt on changing the subject and start to giggle. No matter what, I just can't hold a grudge against my brother for long.

"No, but I will never tell you anything again if you can't keep your mouth shut, Owen. You telling Will my flight number caused a pretty awkward scene at the airport." I put the tin back on the countertop and give him a stern look.

"Sorry, sis. But you know how he can be when he wants something." I can see the regret in his features as he tries to smile at me.

"What awkward scene? Don't tell me Peter was there to pick you up?" he asks me a slight hint of surprise in his voice. I just nod and see his eyes widen in shock.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry, sis. I had no idea. If I had I would've never told him. You know that, right?"

I nod again as I know he'd never do anything to hurt me on purpose.

"It's ok, Owen." I smile reassuringly at him and hope he realizes I am not mad at him.

"So what happened?" the curiosity has clearly won over his regret and he watches me inquiring.

I chuckle and turn to get on with my task that Owen interrupted earlier while I start to fill him in on the details of the previous night.

"And you left with Will? Why?" he asks as soon as I finished telling him what went on at the airport.

"To get it over with. He wanted to talk, so I let him talk." I retrieve the box with washing powder from the floor cabinet and look at my brother.

"And? Did you like what he told you?" I see the concern in his eyes.

"I haven't decided yet." I use a measuring cup to cover the tin's bottom with a layer of the washing powder.

"Could you elaborate or am I not allowed to know?" he states in a huffy voice.

"He wants me back, he has made up his mind about kids, he'll come to live here. All I have to do is go back to him." I sigh as I recall Will's words. Part of me wants to believe him while another voice in my head warns me to be suspicious that things might get back to where we were before I left him.

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know." I turn back to the counter, reaching for the rose I took from Peters apartment in the morning and remove it from the vase I had put it in. I twirl the stem between two fingers and smell its scent a last time before I cut the bloom from the stem. I have no idea why I left this morning without saying good bye to him. I know that he might think that I ran from talking to him and in some way he is right. I was prepared to talk to him last night but I was also glad I didn't need to. I realize I am acting like a coward here and I need to make a decision but I still have no idea on what I should base it. I know I have feelings for both of them but I have a past with Will, memories I cling to and the faint hope my dream I thought I had given up might still come true.

"What are you doing, Alicia?" Owens voice brings me back from my thoughts.

"I told you I don't know!" I snap at him.

"Not with Will or Peter, but right now!" he points towards the tin and to the rose in my hand.

"Oh, that." I chuckle lightly. "I'm drying this rose."

"With washing powder?" Owen exclaims in disbelief.

"Sure. You keep the flower covered with it in a dark and warm place for 2-3 days and afterwards it's perfectly dried. You didn't know this?" I tease him.

"And why are you doing this? Whose rose is it anyway?" he doesn't bother answering but confronts me with counter-questions.

"You don't need to tell me. Your smile gives you away, sis. Peter." I snort at the fact he can read me too well again.

"Yeah, it's from Peter." I smirk at him and place the rose into the tin and cover it with more washing powder before I put the lid on it.

"But how? Didn't you tell me earlier you left him at the airport? Did you take the flower with you?" he is in interrogation mode now and I know I have no chance to stop him so I retrieve two glasses and a wine bottle from the cupboard and walk into the living room.

"I went to see Peter after Will left. I brought it with me when I left this morning." I bite my tongue but the words are already out there.

"This morning?" a mischievous grin spreads on Owen's face as he sits down next to me.

"So you spent the night there!" he grabs the bottle and opens it, pouring the dark red liquid in the glasses I placed on the table.

"I want details!" he hands me a glass, still grinning.

I shake my head lightly taking a sip from my wine. Owen chuckles while he watches me closely.

"Seriously now, Alicia. What are you going to do?" the smirk leaves his face and his voice sounds severe.

"Dad was disappointed you weren't there over the weekend." I see no point in telling Owen again that I haven't made up my mind on what to do and I don't want to discuss my options with him. So I change the topic to something that stresses him.

"Not fair, sis, not fair." he takes a big gulp from his wine and reaches for the bottle to refill his glass as my phone rings.

I grab the handset from the table and check the caller ID.

"Right on cue!" I chuckle and grin at my brother before I answer. "Hi, Dad!"

I see Owen's face fall in shock and I guess his wild gestures should tell me that under no circumstances I can reveal to our father that he's with me.

"Yes, the flight was good, Dad."

"That's great, pumpkin. Did you hear from your brother? I tried to reach him earlier."

"Owen? No, I haven't talked to him since I am back, but I'll tell him to call you." I can't help the big grin that forms on my face while I watch my brother getting smaller and smaller on the couch next to me.

"So, did you talk with Will?" the smile fades at the next question from my Dad and I stand from my seat and walk towards my bedroom, taking this conversation away from the prying ears of my brother.

"Yes." I answer after the door is closed behind me and walk to my bed to sit down.

"And? Did it help you see things clearer?"

"No." I exhale deeply before I tell him what happened since I've been back.

"I don't know what to do, Daddy." I suddenly have to fight back the tears that I had no idea I was holding in.

"I know. But do you remember what I told you about your mother, Alicia?"

"Yes." I swallow hard as I realize what he's telling me. And I know he is right.

"Thanks for calling, Dad. It was good to hear your voice." I hang up before he can say good bye. I stay where I am and watch the phone in my hand. I won't become like my mother. I used to say that back then after she left my Dad and I couldn't understand why. Do I now? I have no idea. I just know that I thought she was choosing the easy way out. I never knew the specifics of the break up and I never asked her. Maybe I should've. Would we get along better now? Would knowing help me in my situation now? My head is filled with even more questions now, but am I nearer to an answer? All I know suddenly is that this is no longer a decision of my heart but my mind.

"Alicia?!" Owen's call from the living room rips me from my thoughts. I slowly get up from the bed. I stop at the mirror to check if it's visible I've been nearly crying before I walk out to my brother again.

"Dad says Hello." I say as casually as possible sitting down on the couch again. I take my glass and drain the remains in one gulp.

"I forgot to tell you something. I found this on your doorstep earlier." he hands me a plain envelope. I reach for it feeling confused. I open it slowly and as I take the single sheet of paper out I recognize Will's handwriting at once. I swallow hard before I start reading.

"What does it say?" Owen interrupts me as I read the letter a second time.

"He wants to sell his firm in Baltimore and stay here for good." I let myself fall backwards and close my eyes. I feel dizzy and have trouble breathing.

"I can't believe he really means this, Owen. All he told me. I wanted to believe him but I still was in doubt. But if he really wants to sell his firm, the dream he worked so long for. How can I not believe him?" I look up and search for an answer in Owen's face.

"To answer that I'd need to know exactly what he told you."

"I know. Can you get another bottle from the kitchen?" I gesture towards the empty wine bottle and manage a half-smile.

"Wine or do you have something stronger?" Owen gets up and walks towards the kitchen.

"I think I have a bottle of Tequila somewhere." I call after him.

* * *

When I wake the next morning I have the worst headache I can imagine. At first the memory of the last night is fuzzy but soon I realize I am at Alicia's and the next thing I recall is the Tequila. I groan as I sit up and see that Alicia is already in the kitchen and I hope she's making coffee. I manage to sit upright though the sledgehammer in my brain is killing me. I close my eyes for second and try to remember why I drank that much when it was Alicia's problems we were discussing.

"Here." I open my eyes and see Alicia handing me a coffee mug and a glass of water and two painkillers on the table.

"Thanks." I try smiling at her but it hurts.

"I need to go, Owen. I am already late for work. Thanks for listening last night."

"My pleasure, if it helped, sis." I finally manage a half-smile and take a sip from my coffee.

"I think it did." she smiles but I see that it's not reaching her eyes.

"Can you do me one more favor, Owen?"

I nod and she goes back into the kitchen to return seconds later with the cookie tin she placed Peter's rose in to dry yesterday.

"Could you throw that away for me?"

I gasp in shock at her words and look at her not quite sure what to say.

"Please, Owen. I can't do it myself but I can't keep it either." she pleads with me.

"Does this mean you are going back to Will?"

She nods her head lightly and places the tin on the table.

"Are you sure, sis? You were so happy with Peter." I try to reason with her as I think it's a big mistake to go back to Will. I don't trust him and I never have.

"I am, Owen. I can't give up my dream now that it is within my grasp again. And I still love him." she smiles again but it still looks fake in my eyes.

"I need to go! Thank you!" her gaze goes from me to the tin before she turns and leaves the apartment. I reach for it and am sure I won't throw it away. Something tells me she'll thank me for it one day.


	9. Chapter 9

I walk out of the courtroom after the judge finally adjourned for lunch and check my phone while walking. No message, no call yet again. It's been two days since Alicia left while I was still sleeping and that feeling of goodbye I had sitting there in my empty apartment hasn't left me since. It was shortly overlain by hope when I realized the rose was missing but that hope faded after the first unanswered calls and texts during that day. And now every time I try to reach her and fail the sadness creeps a bit more into every corner of my mind and heart and I can't stop sensing that it's over.

I step into the hall and dial the familiar number again. Partly already knowing all I will hear is her voicemail. I lean on the next wall listening to the dial tone not really noticing my surroundings when the courtroom door opposite me opens and Alicia steps outside. She has her cell in her hand and checks the display. I smile when I see her hit a button but it freezes on my face when I hear her voicemail message in my ear. I can't believe she rejected my call on purpose. I shut off my phone and decide it's time to find out what is going on. I walk over and tip her lightly on the shoulder.

"Hey!" I try to smile at her but the shocked expression on her face as she recognizes me makes me much more feel like crying.

"Hi!" she avoids looking into my eyes and stares to the floor.

"So, you screen your calls nowadays?" I chuckle trying to lighten the mood a bit as I still hope this was all a misunderstanding.

"I am sorry for not returning your calls." she finally looks at me and I see a mixture of sadness and regret in her eyes before she casts them down again, clearly still uncomfortable with the situation.

"Can we talk, Alicia? You left without a word and it seems you are avoiding me since."

"I'm sorry, Peter, but I made a decision. I'm going back to Will." she peers up again and I can see a tear forming in one of her eyes.

"I see." I swallow hard and have no idea what else to say to her. All feeling has left me as I stare at her not quite believing what she just told me.

"Please believe me that I am sorry, Peter. This wasn't supposed to happen. I never thought he'd want me back. He also wants kids now."

I see more tears slide down her cheeks but I have no idea if they are tears of sorrow for hurting me or ones of happiness as she gets what she wanted all along. The feeling of emptiness changes and I feel anger rise in me. But not really at her but at myself for falling in love with her though I knew she still loved her husband. I should've seen this coming, but I was too blind. Too happy to have met her again I ignored all the signs.

"I never meant to hurt you, Peter. But I can't give up on my dream. Not now. Not when I still love him." she reaches for my hand but I pull it away before she can touch me.

"And you never loved me. I get it, Alicia. Good luck." I turn and walk outside as fast as I can.

* * *

"I can't believe we haven't seen each other in over 8 years, Alicia. And now we run into each other on the street. Such a happy coincidence." Stacy smiles at me and I can feel she means every word. I also am glad to have met her a few days ago outside the courthouse. I was in a hurry as usual but we managed to exchange phone numbers and really meet for dinner today.

"So, you know all my life from the last years now. How have you been? Why are you back in Chicago?"

I lean back in my chair and try to recap my life after law school as briefly as possible.

"So, you really married Will? You met him like two weeks before graduation. Shame, I never got to know him. But we can change that now." she takes another sip from her wine and motions to the waiter to bring us another one.

"Yes." I nod and empty my glass.

"So, I understand you build a law firm in Baltimore with him, but you work here now? Why?"

"Long story." I try to kill her curiosity and change the subject. "How is your sister? I haven't seen her even longer than I have you. Did she really study medicine?"

"Yes, she did. Lives in Phoenix now. I try to remember when you two saw each other last."

"Must have been before my parents moved. I never came back as long as I was still in school and I can't remember her coming with you to visit me in Georgetown."

"I know!" Stacy exclaims suddenly. "You remember that night we went out before you returned to school and we celebrated your good bye from Chicago in that club?"

I nod slowly and reach for my glass that the waiter has refilled in the meantime.

"And you ditched us and danced with this handsome guy all night." she chuckles. "You never really told us what happened that night. Did you ever see him again?"

I can't think of a way to get out of her line of questioning now and so I tell her what I tried to keep to myself. I still feel sorry for the way I treated Peter and his last words still echo in my head every time I think of him. I have asked myself so many times during the last weeks if he was right. I had thought I was falling in love with him but as I still feel the same about him I am sure it isn't more than friendship that I misinterpreted into something more.

"So, you broke up with him and went back to your husband. Wow. You had quite some drama in the last months." she smiles at me sympathetically and somehow I feel relieved about getting it off my chest and talk to someone other than my brother. Someone who isn't biased for any of the two men.

"Yes." I sigh and return her smile.

"But as long as you are happy now. That is all that counts, Alicia."

"I am. We just moved into our new apartment last week and Will is going to open his new offices in two weeks. I hope things go back to normal then."

"But once you have kids, it'll be another kind of normal." she smiles at me knowingly and I remember she told me she has two kids herself.

"I know. And that's exactly what I want and I am so happy Will and I are finally on the same page."

"To your happy future, Alicia, and to meeting again." she toast me and I reach for my glass to return it.

* * *

I get home a few hours later and Will is waiting for me, watching TV on the couch.

He shuts it off once I walk into the room, smiling at me.

"Hey, honey. How was your evening?" It feels good to come home again to someone but the silent walls of an empty apartment.

"Good. It was great to see her again, catching up. We were like sisters in High School." I sit down next to him and kick the shoes off my feet while he wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. I close my eyes, resting my head against his chest. It feels good to have him in my life again. And for the first time in a long time I feel truly happy and where I belong.

"How come you lost touch?"

"I don't really know. It just happened. We kept in touch through college and law school but once we started working the contact just faded. Less calls, no more visits, new friends and relationships. I guess life happened for both of us and we didn't pay enough attention to keep our friendship alive. Kind of like what happened to our marriage. I am glad I get a second chance with you and Stacy as well." I slide my arm around his waist and repress a yawn.

"Are you tired, honey?" I feel his eyes on me and look up to him, shaking my head lightly. I lean in to place a kiss on his cheek but he turns and our lips meet. Soft at first but soon the kiss deepens and I can feel Will's hands on my back. I relax under his touch and snuggle up closely to him as he lifts me from the couch and carries me to our bedroom.

* * *

I step out of the elevator and head for my office.

"Diane!" I turn my head towards Mary, the receptionist, who already waves at me, a few yellow memos in her hand.

I choke down a sigh and smile at Mary who hands me my messages. I stay at the reception to look them through and see what is urgent and what can wait at least until tomorrow. I turn in the direction of my office when Alicia walks around the corner accompanied by a man I haven't seen before. At first I think it's a client but when they pass by me and we exchange hellos I realize they hold hands. I remember hearing through the occasional office gossip that finds the way to my desk that Alicia has broken up with the ASA she was dating and is back with her husband. I stop, turn around to take another look at him and suddenly he seems weirdly familiar to me. I shake my head and finally head towards my office. I sit down at my desk and start making some calls, the stranger I saw with Alicia still present in my mind. I finish the call-backs and start working on the case file of a new client.

When I look up from it the next time, it is dark outside and a quick look through the glass doors of my office tells me that I am probably the last one here, as so many nights in the years before. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes for a minute wondering if I would spend so many nights in the office if someone would be waiting for me at home. As successful as I am in my job the less I can say that about my relationships. I have friends, for sure but that someone I could imagine spending my life with has not yet crossed my path. All I have to show for are a few affairs and two semi-serious relationships that had ended due to my refusal to put my commitment and the love I have for my profession second to a relationship. Do I regret it? Mostly not, but there are moments like right now where I know why I dread going home to the deafening silence of my apartment. I open my eyes again and shake my head at myself, wondering where this thoughts come from today. Usually they get triggered by someone asking me if I am married or if I have kids. My mind wanders back to the afternoon where I saw Alicia with that man I guess is her husband. Maybe seeing them together, happy as it seemed to me, caused my subconscious to come up with these thoughts that bother me now. I chuckle bitterly as another thought crosses my mind. Am I jealous of Alicia? Not for the man at her side but she seems to be able to manage both her job and a relationship. I watched her the last months and I am impressed by her work, her dedication to the job. I wonder if I could do the same or if it has to be the one or the other for me? Will I get another chance to try? I push the thought away from me and remind myself that I am not unhappy with my life. I decide to go home at last, grab my purse and head for the elevator. I wait for it to arrive as the image of Alicia and her husband appears in my mind again and suddenly I remember where I know him from.

* * *

I return to my office with a fresh cup of coffee and sit down at my desk to find an unmarked envelope on the file I am working on. I reach for it and turn it around to see if anything is written on the back. I shrug as I realize it's as blank as the front and open it. I retrieve a few pictures and as I look closely at the first I gasp in shock and let the small stack fall out of my hands.

"Alicia?" Diane's voice from my opened office door startles me and I try to hide the turmoil that is going on in my head.

"Diane?" I hope my voice sounds normal as I feel a tear rolling down my cheek.

"Are you okay?" she watches me concerned.

"Yes, just something in my eye." I lie as I can't reveal the real reason for my tears. Not to her.

"Just a quick question. The man I saw you with yesterday, is that your husband?"

I just nod and she says something more but the words pass me in a blur as I try to make sense of what I just saw on those pictures and that odd scene that just took place. Luckily she turns and walks away. I grab the pictures and shove them in my desk. I need to get out of here.


	10. Chapter 10

Here we go with chapter 10. Hard to believe this story is nearing 100 reviews. I'd never have thought that when I started it as a one shot idea.

Thanks to all who still read this story and encourage me to go on :) Special thanks go to Mary who makes sure I don't give up on it 3

* * *

"No, Owen, I don't want to eat anything." I call out after I hear a knock on the door.

I regret coming here after I packed the necessary stuff from mine and Will's apartment. But I had no idea where else to go and staying wasn't an option after what I saw on those pictures I found on my desk. Just thinking about it brings fresh tears to my eyes and I wipe them away quickly as I see the door open.

"Hey Alicia." I sigh deeply as I realize it's not my brother but our mother entering the room.

"Hi Mom." I curse my brother for his inability to once do what he's told. All I asked him was not to let Will near me and not to call our mother. But here she is looking at me in that familiar mix of disapproval and pity I'm used from her nearly my entire life.

"So, I guess Owen told you." I give into the inevitable as I know she won't leave before I told her what happened though I know that Owen already took care of that.

"Bits and pieces." she nods and sits down on the edge of the bed next to me, putting her purse down on the floor. "But in his defense he didn't call me. I called him..."

"And the topic of me leaving my husband again just came up?" I interrupt her pulling up my knees and trying not to sound too judgmental. But I can see from the look she gives me I failed miserably.

"No, I asked him how you were doing and you know your brother. He can't lie. At least not to me." I roll my eyes at her last remark and slide my arms around my feet, resting my chin on my knees.

"So, what happened, Alicia?"

Instead of an answer I reach for the nightstand and retrieve the envelope with the pictures from the drawer. I hand it to my mother who watches me puzzled.

She opens it slowly after I nod at her. I don't feel like talking about what is exactly on the pictures so I guess it's better if she sees it for herself.

She slowly looks through the few pictures but I can't really read her face. Once she's done she puts the pictures back into the envelope and places it on the bed between us.

"Do you know who the woman is?" she asks me in a low voice.

I just nod, fighting back the tears as the images from the pictures appear in front of my inner eye again.

"Who is it?"

"My, boss. Diane Lockhart." I swallow hard but all my struggles are wasted as I feel the first tear escape and roll down my cheek. I wipe it away in a futile attempt to hide it from my mother when I feel her grab my other hand and pull me in an embrace.

It feels awkward at first as this is just not what I'm used from my mother. I can't remember the last time she hugged me.

"It's okay to cry, Alicia." she whispers and I feel myself relaxing, finally returning the hug and burying my face at her shoulder to let the tears run freely.

She holds me until the last tear has dried and I feel strangely better when I lean back to break the embrace.

"What will you do now?"

"Look for a new apartment. Again. And get the divorce going. Again." I lean back against the pillows sighing deeply and closing my eyes in defeat.

"Are you sure?" my eyes fly open at my mother's words, watching her in disbelief.

"What do you mean, Mom? You can't think I'll go back to Will after I saw the pictures." I shake my head at her.

"Don't you want to talk..."

"No, Mom." I interrupt her. "All I need to know is on these pictures. He cheated on me. With my boss. What else could he tell me?" I feel anger rising in me. Anger at Will but also at my mother. And at myself for thinking she finally just wanted to be there for me, supporting me for a change, instead of criticizing me.

"She wasn't your boss when it happened. I guess you saw the date stamp on the pictures? They are three years old. Where did you get them from anyhow?"

"Whose side are you on, Mom? I was cheated on and you seem to defend Will. Why?"

"All I'm saying is you shouldn't jump to decisions before you know all the facts. Once the divorce is through there is seldom a way back. I sometimes wish..." she stops herself and stands from the bed.

"Sometimes you wish what?" I scoot to the edge of the bed and grab her hand to make her look at me.

"That I hadn't left your father as quickly as I did and made going back impossible. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did." she squeezes my hand lightly and I feel she means it.

"Trying not to become like you was one reason why I went back to him a month ago, Mom. But this is different. How will I ever be able to trust him again?"

"If you still love him you'll find a way if you want to." she sits down next to me and puts an arm around my shoulder. "I know that now, Alicia. But it's too late for me. Let it rest for a while. Process what happened but don't make any decisions while you are still angry, please."

"I'll think about it." I nod and once more I feel tears fill my eyes.

"Good, but there is something else I wanted to talk about, Alicia."

"Okay." I nod at her while her gaze lingers on the floor.

"Please don't be angry at Owen." she is still not looking at me and I wonder what this will be about.

"What else did he tell you?"

"That you're not eating properly and have been throwing up repeatedly." she finally looks at me and I have no idea where she's going with this.

"So? I haven't been feeling good and I think that's allowed in my situation." I snap at her and make a mental note to talk to my brother once our Mom has finally left.

"Yes, you are. But have you thought about the possibility that you could be pregnant?"

I gasp at her words that keep on lingering between us. Especially the last one. I slowly shake my head. Not at my mother to tell her she is wrong. I shake it at myself. This can't be. Not now. But the logical part of me has to admit my mother has a point. The symptoms I have sound typical, at least from what I've heard. And another fact fuels my mother's suspicion. My period is overdue. I had pushed it away, accounted it to stress. I didn't want to deal with it, especially not during the last few days. But now that my mother spoke the word 'pregnant' out loud I feel like I have no other choice than to do something about it.

"And what if I am?"

"Well, wouldn't that change everything?" she looks me straight in the eyes and I know she's back on the former topic. Getting me to forgive Will and go back to him despite his infidelity.

"Maybe." I admit with a shrug. "But I won't be thinking about this until I am sure."

She just nods reaching down for her purse. She retrieves a carton from it I recognize as a pregnancy test.

"You want to find out now?"

* * *

I sigh heavily as I open the door to Will's and my apartment. I chose to come at a time I can be sure Will is not home yet. I slowly walk through all the rooms before I stay in the second bedroom that is still scarcely furnished. I had planned to use it as office but aside from a desk and the couch from my former apartment, it's empty. When we moved in here I already pictured this room as the nursery but never voiced this to Will. Though he said he had changed his mind about kids I knew our relationship was still on shaky grounds regarding that topic. So I had planned to wait until we both had found a way back to each other. And I believed we were on a good path to that goal. Up until the moment these pictures that shattered my whole world were given to me. And now I question everything again. Nothing is different from when I left Baltimore half a year ago. Well, in fact it's worse. I still crash at my brother's and I might have to quit my job because of all the women out there Will chose my boss to cheat on me with. My mother keeps on saying that she wasn't my boss then but I can't help but think that she maybe knew who I was when she hired me and that thought hurts.

I sit down on the couch and look around the room. I still know how I imagined the nursery would look like, where I would place the crib, what wall-color to use. Suddenly I realize that I placed one of my hands over my stomach and I need to remind myself that not all is the same as it was six months before. I am pregnant. And as my mother predicted it changed everything. I would've never believed it but since I know for a fact I am having a baby my needs and wants have taken a backseat to what I think will be the best for my child and that's what brought me here in the first place. I plan on waiting for Will and talk to him, finally giving him a chance to explain himself. Something he tried repeatedly during the last days but Owen never let him. I have no idea where this talk will lead me or us but I can't ignore Will's attempts to talk to me any longer. It wouldn't be fair to him and his unborn child.

The sound of the key in the front door startles me and I get up from the couch. I watch Will enter the apartment, hanging his coat and proceeding to the kitchen. He seems tense and I'm glad he has not seen me standing in the doorway as I contemplate leaving again for a split moment. But what sense would it make? Is there ever the right moment to tell him about my pregnancy or hear more details about his infidelity? So I take a deep breath before I slowly walk through the hallway to the kitchen where I find Will in front of the open fridge, his back towards me.

"Hello Will." he slightly jumps at my words.

"Alicia?! You scared me." he closes the refrigerator but remains in his spot not attempting to come any closer.

"Can we talk?" suddenly I have no desire to delay this any longer and just want to get it over with. I don't wait for his answer and head over to the living room.

"Sure. I am so glad you're here. I tried to call you a thousand times but your brother..."

"I told Owen to not let you near me and I also gave him my cell. I needed time, Will." I cut him off as I sit down on the couch watching him take the place opposite me.

"I understand. But all I wanted to do was to say how sorry I am and explain myself to you." he peers down on the floor seemingly not able to look me in the eyes.

"I know. You made that pretty clear to Owen. You cheated on me, Will. I saw the pictures. I don't think there is much left to explain." my voice gets lower with every word as I recall the images of Diane and Will kissing each other.

"I know you saw some photos. Owen told me that's why you left me. Have you ever wondered who gave them to you?" he looks up at me and I get the feeling he cares more about the fact someone took pictures of his infidelity than about the betrayal he committed.

"No, I haven't. I don't care who took them. Or would this make their content any less true?" I snap at him and his expression changes.

"No, it won't." he admits.

"And it won't take the pain away they caused. So I couldn't care less about who gave them to me." I feel tears well up though I swore to myself not to cry. But the hurt is still too palpable to hold them back.

"I'm sorry, Alicia. I really don't know what else to tell you."

"Why, Will? I thought we were happy when this happened. At least I was." I look straight at him only to see his gaze wander to the floor again.

"I don't know. I was at this conference here in Chicago. And somehow Diane and I ended up in the bar after a dinner. It just happened... I am not proud of what I did." he peers up at me, his eyes full with regret I hope is real.

"I knew I shouldn't have asked." I exhale deeply and wipe the tears from my face.

"Then why did you?"

"I didn't plan to talk to you. All I wanted was to get the divorce going again and hopefully get on with my life. But life can be cruel, Will. And I learnt something a few days ago that changed everything and left me with no choice than to talk to you."

"What did you learn?" his tone is a mix of trepidation and curiousness. I still don't know how I want him to react to my news. I'm sure it is the right decision to tell him though I have no idea how we'll go on from here. I can't see myself going back to how it was before I knew of his unfaithfulness. I am sure about wanting this baby but the thought I might have to raise it alone scares me and I prepare myself to say goodbye to my dream of a perfect little family.

"There is no right way of saying this in the situation we're in, Will. So, I'm just going to say it." I pause and see him nod at my words.

"I'm pregnant." I lean back and feel somehow relieved I finally said it. I hear Will gasp at my words, his eyes widen in shock.

"Wow." he also leans back in his armchair seemingly taken aback by what I just told him.

"Will you keep it?" his words cut the silence that has fallen between us for a couple of moments and they hit me like a slap.

"I'm sorry, Alicia. I didn't mean it." he quickly apologizes rushing over to sit next to me as the first tears roll down my cheeks once more.

"So, you'd rather want me to have an abortion." I manage to ask him through silent sobs.

"No, please forget what I said. I'm in shock. Please believe me. I don't want you to have an abortion." he carefully places his arm around my shoulders. My first impulse is to stand, get away from him but my defenses are down and part of me yearns to be held by him. So I just give in, leaning against him letting him comfort me though I am aware of the irony that we are in this situation because of what he did. But it just feels too good to be in his arms again.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, his hand drawing soothing circles on my back as my tears die down.

"Just tell me what you want, Alicia." he whispers, shifting in his seat to look at me, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I want everything going back to normal, Will. Forgetting the last year happened. And just be happy again." I know it's a childish wish, but it's what I want more than anything.

"We can't make the last year disappear, but we can work on being happy again. If you can forgive me once more, I promise you I'll try to get us back to normal. I love you, Alicia. Please don't leave me." this time he looks me straight in the eyes and in my heart I already know what my decision will be.

* * *

Thanks go again to Mary who planted the idea of Will cheating with Diane in my head months ago :) I loved it and made it happen ;)


	11. Chapter 11

Still don't own them. Just having fun ;)

* * *

"Don't you dare set one foot on that ladder." I nearly let the paint-can I'm carrying into the soon-to-be nursery fall to the floor when I see Alicia one hand on the ladder and her other one holding a piece of the wallpaper-border.

She jumps back a bit from the ladder at my words, exclaiming a sound of surprise.

"Owen, you scared me! I thought you were out longer." she smiles apologetically at me, but I know she is not really sorry and hates that everyone keeps her from doing things she is used to do on her own.

"Thank heavens I wasn't! Otherwise I would probably have found you lying on the floor." I put the paint-can down and walk over to her, taking the painting utensils from her.

"Sit down and let me do that. That's what I am here for anyway." I gesture towards the couch and earn a heavy sigh from my sister. I prepare for an argument that I'm afraid to lose, but she just smiles at me and places a kiss on my cheek before she actually sits down.

"Thank you, Owen. You know Will wanted to do it but he's too busy right now. Big new client..." I watch her putting both her hands on her now highly visible stomach, a sad smile on her lips.

"Are you alright, sis?" I sit down on the armrest next to her, placing my hand on her shoulder squeezing it gently.

"I am, Owen. Why shouldn't I be?" she looks up at me, smiling and covering my hand with hers.

I return her smile and try to convince myself I only imagine the hint of sadness in her eyes behind the smile she offers me. I avoided the topic of her going back to Will after she discovered his infidelity but I'm aware that she knows I think it was a mistake. We had a rather big fight when she moved out of my guest room after her reconciliation with Will and I've bitten my tongue ever since. I guess I should go on doing so but I'm not sure I will be able for much longer.

"I wonder if something has changed for you since you're back with Will. It doesn't seem to me, sis." I feel her stiffen next to me and I peer down to see her stare out the window on the opposite side of the room.

"I am happy, Owen." she says with emphasis.

"Forget I said anything, Alicia." I get up from the couch and busy myself with the glue and brush, deciding not to delve into the subject any deeper.

"Do you want the border on all four walls?" I change the topic and hold up a piece of wallpaper for her. She simply nods at me, her gaze is once more toward the window as her hand draws small circles on her belly.

I start working in silence, sometimes peering over to my sister but she remains in her spot and I really don't know what to think of that.

I managed to put up the border on two walls when I hear the front door and only seconds later Will calling out Alicia's name.

She's startled by it but recovers before he enters the room, smiling up at him once he walks in.

"Here you are. Oh, I see you made progress." he greets us, looking around the room before sitting down next to Alicia, placing a small kiss on her cheek.

"How are you, honey?" he puts his hand above hers on her stomach, smiling but as I watch him closely I don't see the smile reach his eyes.

"I'm, good. Owen made me watch all the time. I wasn't even allowed to help him a little." she winks at me.

"He better. I bet you had to tie her down, hadn't you, Owen?" he chuckles.

"She behaved. But I better get out of your hair now. I'll come back next week to finish if you don't have the time for it Will." I start collecting the brushes and cans slightly peering in my brother-in-laws direction to see his expression freeze.

"I'm sorry I can't be of any help here. But I'll see if I can finish it over the weekend. I sometimes wish I had a teaching assistant's schedule." he grins at me as I place the working materials in a box.

"I love to help preparing the room for my little niece or nephew. So, don't bother making time for it in your busy schedule, Will. Bye, sis."

"Bye, Owen. Thank you. I really appreciate your help. All of it." she stands and hugs me before I leave.

Once I'm on the street I have no desire to go home. I walk around for a while, trying to clear my head. I can't shake the thought that my sister isn't really happy and nothing has changed for her, aside the fact she's expecting a child. I so hope she made the right decision by staying with Will, not just for the baby but also for herself.

I stop for a second, trying to figure out where my aimless walking has led me and realize I stand in front of a bar. I ponder going in for a drink and go for it as I remember it's Friday anyhow and I have nothing else to do tonight. I walk into the semi-lit room, looking around it and slowly steer towards the bar as all tables are taken. I gesture to the bartender and order a tequila, feeling the need to swallow down the afternoon with my sister. I look around the room and suddenly see Peter sitting a few stools down the bar, staring into a glass of scotch. Fitting, I think, that I run into him today of all days. I contemplate paying and leaving before he sees me but stay in my seat. I order a glass of wine and once it's served I pick it up to walk down the bar towards Peter.

"Hi." I put my glass down on the bar, watching him turn his head at me, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Hello, Owen." his voice stays neutral, not giving away if he'd rather have me leave again.

"Do you mind if I sit down? Or should I leave you alone. I can understand if you don't want to talk to me." I flash him a half-smile and see him nod, turning his head away again to watch the ice-cube in his drink.

"Go ahead, Owen. I don't mind."

"How are you?" I take a sip from my wine and wonder if approaching him was such a good idea. But I liked him from the start and have thought a few times to call him, but ducked out every time because what would I tell him? Though Alicia never told me how he took the break up, I figured he'd be devastated. It had been obvious to me how much he was in love with my sister from the first time I saw them together.

"I'm ok, Owen. You?" he looks up and shifts on his stool to face me.

"I'm good. Thanks for asking."

"That's good." he takes a sip from his scotch, his gaze fixed on a spot behind me.

I drink some more of my wine, raking my brain what to say next as the silence spreads rather awkwardly between us.

"So, work is good?" I ask quite lame as the only other topic that comes to mind is the weather.

"Yeah, still fighting to get the bad guys into prison. While your sister tries to keep them out." he empties his drink in one big gulp, chuckling sarcastically.

"How many of those have you had already?" I nod towards his glass.

"My first and my last. No worries, I am not drowning my heartbreak in scotch every night. What difference would it make? She'd still be with her husband and I'd feel even worse the next morning." he shakes his head lightly.

"I'm sorry she left you, Peter. I never got a chance to tell you that." I nervously play with my glass. "I think she's wrong to be back with Will, even now with the baby..."

"The baby?" Peter's head snaps around, his voice laced with disbelief.

"I thought you knew; I assumed you probably had seen her in court. And it's hard to overlook in the meantime." I wish I had not said anything as he slowly shakes his head, his eyes peering down. I feel like I have torn open a wound again that has not healed yet.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I'd never said anything if I knew you had no idea. This must be a shock for you. I am really sorry."

"It's ok, Owen. It's not your fault." he lifts his glass but lowers it immediately, realizing it's empty.

"Should I order you another one?" I offer him but he shakes his head.

"No, thank you though. I guess it's better you told me now than meeting her by chance. At least I'll be prepared. I really hope she's happy now." he runs his hand through his hair, attempting a smile but fails.

The words 'She seems to be' run through my head but this time I bite my tongue and stay silent. There is no need to feed him false hopes.

"You really loved her." I regret my words as soon as I spoke them out loud. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that either. I better go. It was a bad idea to address you in the first place. Take care." I stand, putting some money on the counter to cover my drinks and head for the exit. Once outside I walk to the corner, looking around trying to stop a cab to get home.

"Owen?" I turn at the sound of my name and see Peter walking towards me.

"Did I leave anything inside?" I have no idea what other reason Peter might have to come after me.

"No. I'm sorry for giving you the impression you said something you shouldn't have. Learning Alicia is pregnant was painful, because you are right. I really loved her. And knowing she has the life I dreamt of having with her with someone else now hurts more than I thought it still would. But none of this is your fault, Owen. I was too blind to see she didn't love me enough. So if anyone is to blame it'd be me. I'm glad she's happy now. I really am." he lowers his gaze to the ground and it really pains me to see him like this.

"I still love her, you know." he shakes his head at himself, exhaling deeply. I don't know what to say, so I just nod. We stand speechless for a few moments but this time it doesn't feel awkward at all.

"You need a ride home?" Peter breaks the silence first.

"No, don't bother." I decline his kind gesture, shaking my head.

"It won't be, Owen. And I only had that one scotch. In case you were worrying." he grins at me and I nod, accepting his offer.

We speak of other things on the way to my apartment.

"Thanks for the ride, Peter." we shake hands and I exit the car. I walk towards the entrance of the building, searching for my keys in the process. As I look up two police officers block my way.

"Owen Cavanaugh?" one of them asks me. I just nod, still wondering where they've come from.

"You're under arrest for possession and distribution of marijuana. You have the right to remain silent..." I can't believe what I'm hearing and still think this must be a joke of some of my students but then the cuffs click around my wrists and the words of the police officer blend into noise.

"May I ask what this is about, officers?" I turn around, as far as the firm grip the police man holds me in allows me and see Peter standing a few feet away.

"I don't think this is any of your concern, mister." the officer who read me my rights answers Peter and starts dragging me towards the police car that I now see parked at the corner.

"I think it is. I'm ASA Peter Florrick and this man's file might very well turn up on my desk tomorrow."

"Oh. Hi, Mr. Florrick. I didn't recognize you right away." the other officer let's go off me and walks towards Peter. They speak for a few moments but I can't hear a word.

Finally Peter approaches me.

"I can't do anything right now. They say they have evidence against you. So, you'll have to go with them to the station and probably spend the night there. I'm sorry, Owen." he smiles apologetically at me but I can hear the severity in his tone.

"So I'm really in trouble here?"

"Looks like it. I'll follow you to the station and see what I can find out. Do you want me to call anyone? Your mother or... Alicia?" he swallows hard at my sister's name.

"No, not yet. I don't want them to worry before I know more." I shake my head at him, attempting a small smile.

"Let's go!" the officer grabs me by the arm again, guiding me towards the car. I hope to wake up any second from this nightmare when the door slams shut behind me, making me realize I won't.


End file.
